Football Friday from On Her Game - To the Bears' GM, Phil Emery: Here’s a Dictionary

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This post for Football Friday for On Her Game is a reflection of how worked up I was following yet another painful Bears game.   

As I sit here stewing over another atrocious Bears game, I find myself wondering why I continue to hold on to my allegiances. I live in my own house in Denver, with the mortgage to prove it, am married to a man with terrible allegiances (Colts and the Manning led Broncos), yet I still root for my Bears with a passion. By personal standards, I came late to the football party (around age eight), and I would always cheer for whomever my Dad was rooting for during a particular game. When we move to the Chicago-land area, he became a Bears fan, and so did I. Nearly 25 years later, I am still at it.

I recently came across a fantastic joke in the latest edition of Reader’s Digest:

 “Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

‘I blame the general manager,’ said the first fan.
‘If he signed better players, we’d be a great team.’

‘I blame the players,’ said the second fan. ‘If they made more of an effort,
we’d score more points.’

‘I blame my parents,’ said the third. ‘If I’d been born in Seattle,
I’d be supporting a decent team.’”

Now, to be clear, I don’t blame my Dad for teaching me to root for the Bears. He also taught me to be a White Sox fan rather than the Cubs, and I know I have a better life because of it. Plus I am an adult, who is now informed enough to make her own decisions on who I want to cheer for during a given game. That will not stop me, however, from blaming both the GM Phil Emery and the Bears players for their continual missteps on the field.

Let’s start with Phil Emery. This is the GM who followed Jerry Angelo, a man who drove Bears fan, namely me absolutely bonkers with mistake after mistake, most notably in the draft. Shall I regale you with tales of running back or quarterback woes? For the sake of my own sanity, I am going to skip the list. Let’s suffice it to say, a majority of them can no longer be found on any roster in the league. So in steps Emery, who appeared to make an immediate positive impact, until he did not; unless you want to count a negative impact? I believe in my heart Emery and I parted ways philosophically when he refused to resign Brian Urlacher. The man who led the defense that resurrected the “Monsters of the Midway,” and took the Bears to the Super Bowl; a championship they would have won if the offense had even a mediocre quarterback. No, Sexy Rexy (Rex Grossman) does not even meet the bar of mediocrity in my mind.

I got off the topic at hand, which is Emery. Instead of signing Urlacher, he decided to spend a majority of the Bears available salary cap monies on the offensive side of the ball. I am not disagreeing with the thought, with the exception that the pendulum swung wildly to the other side. There is no balance! At this point, the personnel on the offensive side of the ball have the potential to be one of the best in the league. Note that POTENTIAL is the operative word in that statement; whereas the defense, marred by injuries and suspect talent, is without a leader or an identity. No, Lance Briggs does not count as a leader, and I will spare myself the personal anguish of thinking about safety Chris Conte. Most every game I scream at the TV, put me in coach, I can play better than him! Yes, at 5’2”, 1—, female, and slow, I still contend I can be a better pro-safety than Chris Conte.

Back to my man Urlacher, a consensus future Hall of Fame linebacker, whom I still miss terribly, who had this to say on Jay Cutler, “Financially, he is one of the elite guys in the NFL ... he just hasn't produced like an elite quarterback. You look at the [Tom] Bradys, the [Peyton] Mannings, the [Aaron] Rodgers, the [Drew] Brees, those guys win every year, even with no one around them. Rodgers has no offensive line. He wins. Brady has no receivers. He wins.”

Fear not my fellow Bears fan; Phil is here to reassure us that Jay Cutler is an ELITE quarterback in salary and talent, “Emery: "Jay Cutler is a winning quarterback in this league and no matter how you analyze the history of quarterbacks in the NFL, if you have a winning record you are an elite player at that position.”

This would be the point in the article where I would call, bull sh*t.

I want to see the Bears’ front office, led right now by Phil Emery to consider how they are delegating their resources. There needs to be an acknowledgement that signing Cutler to a lucrative contract came at the expense of the defensive side of the ball. And until the Bears start consistently winning, or at least playing up to the offensive potential, I am going to send Emery a dictionary so that he can consult it for the definition of the word ‘elite.’ 

For those of you keeping track at home, Dictionary.com defines it this way:

noun
1. (often used with a plural verb) the choice or best of anything considered collectively, as of a group or class of persons.

2. (used with a plural verb) persons of the highest class: Only the elite were there.

adjective

1. representing the most choice or select; best: an elite group of authors.

The recent play of Jay Cutler does not warrant the support from his General Manager, but there is little doubt that his paycheck certainly does.

I Wear his Shirts; I Hear her Voice

Throughout my undergraduate education at Indiana University (HOOSIERS!), I took a few rock 'n' roll history courses. During the first day of one of those classes the professor asked us to raise our hands in order to identify what part of the music we each listened to, as we tend to fall in to one of two groups: the beat/instrumental or the lyrics. I am in the latter category, which is part of why I enjoy some country music. I take flack for it, but I do enjoy songs that tell stories or have something to say. For the record, talk of tractors, drinking on planes, or alcohol in general do not qualify. 

Anyway, to my point of "outing myself as something of a country music fan," I really like a song by Lee Brice called, "I Drive Your Truck." It is about a guy whose brother was killed in combat. Rather than going to visit his brother's grave, he feels close to him by driving his truck. 

Ever since I lost my Grandpop earlier this year, I have found myself thinking a lot about the process of grieving. Not just the loss of my paternal grandfather, but also my maternal grandmother as these are two losses that have had a profound impact on my life. Just like the guy in the song, I do not feel close to either of them at their graves, but rather in other ways.

My maternal grandmother (my Mom-Mom) passed away when I was in high school. When I think of her I think of buttons, the beach, Disney World, a really comfortable chair with an ottoman, and this one very distinct conversation. I have this larger than life chair and ottoman that I refuse to part with even though it does not really fit in my house anymore, I think in large part because it reminds me of sitting in her apartment in Baltimore in that chair with my feet propped up. There was also that conversation. I was just starting to reach the age where it was fun and cool to really chat with your grandparents, and I was telling her about this English teacher that I had in high school who was really giving me fits (Highland alums - think Junior Year with Mrs. Berg). This teacher really made me feel less than; and my Mom-Mom's response, "you don't have to take that from her!" It was the sassiest thing I had ever heard Dorothy Poist say, and it has stuck with me! 

I have this bulldozer in my life, a person who drives me absolutely crazy, and I have recently realized that I can apply what Mom-Mom said to me then, "I don't have to take that from her!" And you know what, I am not going to anymore. 

Grandpop, my paternal grandfather, was the only grandfather I grew up with as my Pop-Pop (maternal grandfather) passed away when I was around 4 1/2. His loss has been very difficult for our family, but we keep him close in many ways including wearing his flannel shirts. He had a quality collection of flannel shirts, and everyone went home with one. I also have a scratchy wool sweater that I wear at times when I really miss him. Yes, it's real love if you are willing to wear an itchy wool sweater that gives off a Mr. Rogers vibe. 

I am still caught off guard at times by my feelings of grief. I will be minding my own business, and a thought will float in to my mind, and I will just be overcome with emotion. I have been thinking about him a lot during the baseball playoffs. He would have been especially impressed by the play of many of the outfielders as he always appreciated a good throw to the plate. I also taught Danny to keep score at a game, just like Grandpop taught me. 

I have also been thinking a lot about my going to my grandparents' house in November for Thanksgiving. He won't be there to greet me with a "HiYa!" and a kiss on the cheek. My Grandmom will be there, however, and I cannot wait to give her a big hug. She is so tiny, I am always afraid I will break her, but I know she understands my need to hold her tight.

Please hold on tight to those you love, we only have a finite amount of time together, and it's never enough. Until I am reconnected with my Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop, along with my Grandpop, I am going to continue to wear his shirts, and hear her voice. 

Football Friday from On Her Game - The Strange Case of Dr. Jay and Mr. Cutler

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This post for Football Friday for On Her Game is my attempt to recap the craziness that ensued on Sunday night. The jury is still out on my fantasy team, but just like the Bears I am going to try to improve each week, starting by playing the right players as they don't do me any good if I leave them on my virtual bench!  

For this Bears’ fan there was a lot more trepidation than anticipation leading up to last night’s match-up against the 49ers. I always seem to forget how difficult it is to predict game outcomes in general, but especially in the first few weeks of any NFL season as there is very limited basis for fan speculation/media hype. Rather, you are looking at one week of regular season highlights/game tape combined with scrutiny of the moves made in the off-season with some wishful thinking thrown in for good measure.

I let all that get the best of me thinking about this game. I had no idea what to expect from the Bears who did not have a particularly strong showing in an overtime loss to the Bills. Yes, THE BILLS! Then the Bears had to come off that loss and travel to San Francisco to face a team that many predict (hype!) will make a strong playoff push, in their stadium opener, in Primetime, with the strong possibility that Marshall and Jeffrey were not going to play. All a realistic Bears’ fan could hope for was not to get blown out in front of a National TV audience. See there is that hype again. Unfortunately in the first half it appeared that the Bears were going to do their level best to live up to those bleak expectations. The defense appeared to be playing in a state of paranoia or in the Bears case a fear of their often suspect secondary, specifically the safety help coming over the top (or not as the case may be). They were trying so hard to rush Kaepernick that they were being eaten alive by the screen pass. Still they managed to keep the offense in the game despite a cheerless offensive performance in the first half, the evil “Dr. Jay,” if you will. That is until something clicked or maybe it was someone (Quinton Dial) pounding on Cutler’s sternum right at the end of the first half. Jay reported post-game that it felt like his stomach met his back. Again, say what you want about Cutler, but don’t tell me he isn’t tough. Whatever it was, Cutler and the rest of the Bears were of a different caliber in the second half. Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffrey also each turned in a gutsy performance as they were clearly playing hard despite their injury limitations. Of course Marshall stole the spotlight with three touchdowns, including a one-handed grab that is sure to make SportsCenter Top 10 Plays of the Week.

Before going out with a shoulder injury, free safety Chris Conte made a superman like interception on Kaepernick, which was one of four turnovers caused by the defense along with four sacks, and only allowing 129 yards rushing. These stats are made that much more exciting given that two of those turnovers were from rookie Kyle Fuller who should see more playing time with the unfortunate loss of Peanut Tillman for the season (triceps).

Now for my own version of hype: what if the Bears could play like this for a whole game? What if the right Jay, the “Mr. Cutler persona,” the tough, composed guy who does not try to win the game with one (often errant) throw, were to show himself with true consistency? He has an incredible fourth quarter rating, but it really would be okay if he spread that out across the whole game.

Right now the Bears are tied with all three of the other teams in the NFC North with a record of 1-1. It is too early to make speculations, but that is not going to stop me. What if the Bills are better than people anticipated? If that’s the case, maybe the Bears are too. They have a tough schedule ahead, but last night was certainly a second half for the offense to build upon and about three quarters for a defensive that demonstrated this is not the miserable Bears D of 2013.

Also, thank you Bears for doing right by my Mom and winning on her birthday. She deserved it – she’s the best.

Thoughts on STUFF OR Going from a 'Forest'er to a Leaf

This post is quite overdue as Danny and I purchased the Leaf back at the end of March, but we were just reunited with it last week after about six weeks (I was rear-ended) - so I am using that as my catalyst to write down my thoughts on the subject of "stuff" in general and perhaps our cars in particular.

In my 32 years plus, I have come to understand that I have a weird relationship with things in general, but that eccentricity particularly manifests itself when it comes to clothing, cars, and watch out if I have deemed something to be at all sentimental. 

I had a short-lived fascination with the show, Tiny House Nation, which is capitalizing on the small house movement that appears to be sweeping across the country. I say short-lived because the show quickly began to feel redundant in that there are not very many different ways to show a family moving from a large house to a tiny house (typically under 400 square feet), and the inevitable purging of stuff that is required to make such a lifestyle shift. Plus, I found that I was beating up on myself because I do not think I could ever do it, and quite frankly I do not need a television show to be the reason I feel down on myself. I can do that all on my own, thank you; plus it goes against my pursuit for 100 Days of Happiness. 

If you know me at all, or have read my blog, I think you know that once my brain starts down a path, God only knows where this thought process would land - as Danny has said, my mind is like a wide receiver running a route: zig zag, crossing pattern, over the middle, etc. So once I started thinking about moving in to a tiny house, and what all that would entail, I started to think about my feelings toward things overall. First this led me to my wardrobe - I have a fear of clothing. There I said it. Or perhaps it is that I have a fear of shopping for clothing. On more than one occasion I have come close to hyperventilating when I walk in to a mall or any store that sells clothing. I see all these fun pieces, but have no idea how in the world to make an ensemble. Then if I get something put together, I have trouble paying for it. Not that I don't make money, but rather I severely struggle with spending the money for this purpose. I do not know what an appropriate budget is for clothing in relation to my household income level. And then if I do pull the trigger, I invariably end up with buyer's remorse feeling as though I was consumptive, spending too much on myself, etc. Plus I just want to look cute and put together - because I figure that perhaps it will help me fake it until I can find the requirements make it. *Big Sigh*

Now, imagine what it is like to go car shopping with me! Let me repeat: I have a weird relationship with cars. Perhaps it is because I have had a string of strange things happen to my cars. Stick with me here: My first car (Chevy S-10 Pick-up Truck) was totaled while parked in front of my parents' house (as I slept through the whole thing). Its replacement was a Saturn S2 that had a tree fall on it, also while it was parked in front of my parents' house; somehow the car was fine. Shortly thereafter, however, the air conditioning compressor went out as I was driving to Michigan, which stranded me in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I paid to fix it only to drive it into a decorative rock (in Michigan, because apparently their rocks are pretty heavy), which did many dollars worth of damage. About a year after I got the car back I traded it in for my beloved Scion XA because I never did feel safe in the Saturn after getting stranded because of the air conditioning compressor. I provide this caveat because I understand that the rock incident was totally my fault, the car did nothing wrong. Anyway, after five years with my Scion, the car that brought me to Colorado, and one year before it was paid off, it drowned. No really, the car was flooded in front of my office. The fact that I was particularly traumatized after the flooding, combined with the fact that I wanted to feel safer driving in Colorado winters led me to purchase my first ever SUV and first brand new car - a Subaru Forester. I really liked the Forester, but I always seemed to suffer from buyer's remorse especially since the whole process of purchasing the car was particularly disastrous. Has anyone ever had a really good experience buying a car?

Are you still with me? If so, thank you. Last year we also had to replace Danny's car at which time we purchased a Toyota Prius. Besides the fact I called my Dad on the verge of a meltdown at the mere thought of buying  a house AND a car in the same month, I have done just fine with that purchase. In fact, I have developed an attachment to the Prius akin to my Scion. Anyway, from time to time I would ask Danny whether we should consider trading in the Forester as it never felt like the right car for us, except on really crummy driving days, in which case I loved that thing! So I contacted a friend to get an appraisal on the value of the Forester. Based on the estimated value, it was finally the time to consider something else. About three days later, Danny and I end up at the Nissan dealership near our house as I come from a family of Sentra owners. So I wanted to consider a Sentra. Danny wanted to test drive the fully electric Nissan Leaf. Both of us loved it, much to our surprise. When the numbers came out to be pretty much equal, it felt like a real opportunity to utilize electric technology. Not to mention I thought it was funny to go from a 'Forest'er to a Leaf - get it? Yes, I am a dork. 

I think you can officially call us 21st Century hippies - with an electric car and a hybrid. Just don't laugh too hard until you see our monthly gas bills...

So what in the world am I talking about? I think at times I feel pressure to have less things, to live a more simplified life. While this is a good goal, and one I am certainly trying to embrace: it needs to be done in a more personal way. There are just some things that I am not ready to get rid of or purchase right now. Still, I don't think that means I will not feel differently later. Just like many other things,  this is an ongoing process. I am absolutely embracing the idea of spending money on experiences rather than things, especially when I travel. Yet, sometimes I like to have a memento to invoke the memories from that experience. They way I see it, this has to be all about a balance, and perhaps that is why I really resonated with an article from Real Simple, "What I Learned from Purging Most of my Stuff (and Why I Wish I Hadn't)." Sometimes, things do matter. 

Now if someone can just teach me how to build a wardrobe, I would be eternally grateful.

Why I DO Support the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Post by Suzanne Killmer.

I am pretty sure that this morning I literally woke up standing on a soap box. While I have heard that sleep is supposed to be a restorative time for rest and rejuvenation, my brain does not always seem to get that memo. Further proof that being married to me can be an exhausting task, just ask Righteous Flower (Danny's Mayan Name) who was bombarded by a sampling of my frustration around critics of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge right before he walked out the door for work around 6:45 a.m. A friend recently shared that he would not be participating in nor supporting the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge even though he had been challenged by numerous people. Of course this is his prerogative, but then the debate went further with this article entitled,"This is Why Critics are Slamming the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge" from E! - you know the Network that can bring the Kardashians in to your living room, which is a whole other phenomenon that I still do not understand. I digress. Of course the source notwithstanding, I would like to share my own perspective on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

I always strive to be honest, and in that spirit I will make it clear that I have not dumped ice cold water on my head. Rather, I made a donation to the ALS Association, Rocky Mountain Chapter in my Mom's honor since she helped care for a woman with ALS; so she knows first hand what an awful disease this is, and why a cure is so desperately needed. I would like to say that water conservation was at the heart of my decision, as eluded to in the critical article, but to be honest I felt as though my money was more valuable than any video I could create as I am not overly animated or particularly dynamic (unless I am yelling at the TV, apparently).

Now to the crux of the argument that I found myself making this morning before I was even fully awake. The outspoken critics of the challenge appear to be of the opinion that it is not raising awareness of what ALS actually is or how it impacts people. I would vehemently, yet respectfully disagree, as raising funds is a form of awareness. To put it in perspective, "in the last 22 days the National Chapter of the ALS Association has raised 22.9 million. Last year for the ENTIRE YEAR they raised 23.5 million." That statistic came out three days ago, at that rate the number could be over 25 million dollars. I struggle to comprehend how money of this staggering amount could be raised if people did not have at least a vague understanding of what their money was going to do. People do not give their money to just anything - and I say that with YEARS of nonprofit fundraising under my belt.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, combined with other marketing campaigns such as the video released by Major League Baseball on the 75th Anniversary of Lou Gehrig's "Luckiest Man Farewell Speech", have in fact contributed to a heightened sense of awareness that this disease exists and needs to be stopped! The video from MLB featured all 30 first basemen (and a cameo by Yankee Derek Jeter) reciting the now-iconic oration. Lou Gehrig passed away before his before his 38th birthday from this awful disease that now bears his name. Please take a moment to watch the video.

As I said, I have YEARS of nonprofit fundraising in my experience, both in professional and volunteer capacities. I currently work for a Network of Samaritan Centers that on average have to raise 30% of their operating budget every single year. For many this is a matter of keeping the doors open! This money is required to treat people with or without the ability to pay, meaning they also have to subsidize those people with insurance along with self-pay clients. Do you think that any non-profit leader would appreciate criticism around a campaign that is raising millions of dollars with out any overhead (staff time, operating costs, etc.)?! I have spoken to numerous nonprofit professionals who are at their wits end trying to think of new/different/fun ways to raise money in an effort to continue to provide much needed, quality services to people in need of care. Can you imagine carrying that burden on a daily basis? I can because I have experienced it. Do you think the critics of this campaign have?

Perhaps before you criticize efforts to bring about awareness and raise funds to combat or support something, anything; please think about the people involved in the process. Each day on my Facebook news-feed and other media outlets, amidst videos of people dumping ice water on their head, I see people talking about and donating to help end the suffering related to ALS! I also see people sharing that they have been diagnosed with this terrible disease. This is also a form of awareness because once you know someone who has been impacted, this abstract becomes very personal and very real! I only wish we could figure out a way to draw this much attention (both awareness and money) to other awful plights in this world: hunger/poverty, lack of access to clean drinking water, mental health, MS, diabetes, cancer. Whatever your cause is - please do your part to help support it, but also be careful about criticizing others efforts. Negativity does not help further any cause.

*Steps Down from Soap Box*

 

Football Friday from On Her Game - Okay Jay, the Bears are YOURS

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This post for Football Friday for On Her Game is my first of this new season. I watched the first quarter of the first pre-season game. The Bears had flashes of excitement while I am fairly certain that the Eagles received a stern talking to from their coach given all their penalties. Here's hoping the Bears can bring some excitement to the upcoming season, and that I can draft a decent fantasy team!

While my Bears fandom has not wavered since my family arrived in the Chicago-land area in the early 90s, despite the agony that was Super Bowl XLI, along with the fact that I am an official Colorado Transplant with a Denver phone number and a mortgage. Yet, my feelings toward Jay Cutler have not been necessarily favorable as documented in former writings (here, here, here, etc.). What I might have omitted is the excitement I felt when Cutler was first traded to the Bears as it felt like the possibility that the quarterback ridiculousness that had plagued the Bears over many seasons was finally coming to an end. I may have also failed to mention that perhaps I wandered around my house (with that pesky mortgage) for many days muttering, $126.7 million with $54 million in virtual guarantees, which was the agreement as reported by ESPN.

In spite of my often contentious, albeit one-sided, relationship; since I am rationale enough to understand that Cutler does not know who I am, the Bears leadership has decided that Jay is their quarterback of the future. A decision that I can only hope proves to be a good one, not just the realization of, “who else was it going to be?” A number of quarterback contracts have been called in to question lately as the league appears to be coming to the conclusion that sometimes teams have to pay up big money to quarterbacks who are perhaps ‘good enough,’ and that the notion that there are more than 32 athletes who could be deemed ‘exceptional’ is impractical. This may explain why guys like Matthew Stafford, Tony Romo, Joe Flacco, and Andy Dalton are able to take what could be considered borderline mediocrity to the bank. Although I must say that Matthew Stafford served my fantasy team of 2012 well enough, for whatever that is worth.

Anyway, back to Jay. While one can question some of his personal attributes – his apparent, sometimes reckless, arrogance or his smug facial expressions; one cannot question the toughness that has been required to handle the turmoil he has had to endure in Chicago, nor his arm strength. At times the risk is not necessarily worth the reward, but there are enough of those other times when he lofts a ball up there for one of his “Towers of Offense” to go up and get; and when they come down with the ball, this Bears fan erupts like no other. No really, my dog gives me funny looks and my husband threatens to put me on YouTube.

Still, Cutler has been playing with a target on his back since he came to the Windy City. I love Chicago, I miss it terribly, but it is not the easiest sports town in the world. I would be considered one of the milder critics… The expectations that were placed on him, especially given the lack of weapons or protection that was provided for him, combined with the fact that he was brought in by an organization that had long valued the defensive side of the ball amounted to sheer lunacy. Plus Cutler appears to be one of the only people in the world who does not care what people think of him. I have heard those people exist, but have rarely seen it demonstrated so vehemently; and to be honest, on some level I wish I knew how to do that at times.

Much of these challenges have changed however, the Bears sent four offensive representatives to the Pro Bowl including an offensive lineman, have hired an offensive minded coach, and given Cutler one of the most formidable receiving corps in the league. AND HE GOT PAID! So, now Jay, I am going to try to lead a positive charge, from my little corner of the internet, toward giving you some much needed support and good press. This is your team with the ultimate goal, hopefully sooner rather than later, for you to lead toward winning a Super Bowl. While participating is exciting, I am not sure my marriage may not be able to withstand another loss at the hands of a Manning-led team.

The Spike Series: The Man Got Me a Grill!

Hi, people, Spike here. I have not been able to communicate with you all in a while, and I want to make it clear that it was not my fault! See Laurie has been feeling very overwhelmed over the last number of months; and when she gets that way, one of the first things to go is blogging. 

To put things in perspective, the pictures on this post were taken the night that Laurie started her 100 Days of Happiness project (#100happydays), and well today is Day #62. That first post included the grill and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bubbles...

Back to me because seriously folks, I did not care about the bubbles! Nope, not even a little bit. You see, all I could focus on was the grill (and the food it makes). The Man brought home this beautiful black charcoal contraption earlier in the summer. I did not really understand it at first, but I could tell it may be worth investigating based on how happy he was about the purchase. The Man put it together right away, but waited until Laurie was out of the house to really use it for the first time. What I mean by really is that The Man made something that Laurie would not necessarily approve of my eating - you guessed it, he made STEAK! Really good steak, and he let me eat off the bone! Then when my Laurie came home, he downplayed how much was left... Ssh - don't tell her, but I ate enough to know that only good things come of that black grill thing. I also know that when Laurie is out, the boys at home will play!

I let my people think that the grill is for them, and I do understand that on occasion things are made on it that I do not get to taste - such as those brats in the picture, or my people's new favorite hot dogs (Parks Finest by Ball Park). Still, I have enjoyed enough steak and ribs (yep, sometimes I get a piece of the Man's "special ribs" - again, don't tell Laurie) to declare that the Man brought the grill in to our lives in an effort to solidify our relationship. 

My great-grandmother, Laurie's Grandmom, really loves to hear my adventures. So it won't be too long before I am back to talk about the road trip I went on back in July. I went to eight states, in addition to Eastern Colorado, including four new places. I even enjoyed most of it! Please come back and hear about that - I like the lovin' and attention!

That's the Thing about Expectations...

...They may just be pressure in disguise.

I have found myself watching a lot of Sex and the City recently, to the point that my brain is starting to chronicle things "Carrie Bradshaw" style - hence the title of this post. If you have never seen the show, Carrie writes a weekly column along that were later published as books, but the columns usually follow the episode marked by a thought-provoking statement or question. 

This year has been an emotional one (both positive and negative), but also one that I can only hope will mark a time of growth in my journey. Thus far this year has tested my faith, my inner and outer strength, and my ability to observe happiness (both in myself and others). Yet, it has also been defined by trying to understand expectations - again my own but also others. 

This past weekend was the Samaritan Institute's Annual Conference, which is a large gathering of Samaritan personnel (read: mostly clinicians). While it is a tremendous amount of pressure for a perfectionist such as myself, it is also a wonderful time to gather with people I have worked with, largely at a distance, over a number of years. My time with the Institute has been marked by transition, both personal and professional, and all of these changes have brought about the underlying theme of expectations. On the personal front: when are you going to get married? (Done). Now it's when are you going to have a baby? (I have NO BLOODY IDEA). On the professional front: what will happen once you receive your MBA? (I have two classes done out of 12 total, give me a moment to figure it out). While I know there is a caring foundation for each of these questions, it feels as though there are societal and "Samaritan" expectations mixed in. Both areas being tough to navigate.

Setting aside the professional side of things, let me tell you how much fun it is to be a 32 year old, married woman living a 1,000 miles away from her family without a clear answer to the "children question." The first time I met my now father-in-law, he asked me when I was going to give him more grandchildren (he already has one). FIRST TIME. The funny thing is at the time, my thought was something along the lines of, "oh that's nice, he likes me enough to want me to stick around." Yet, nearly three years later, the question, which he has not asked again, is not funny or at all helpful. Rather, it feels as though Danny and I are somehow inadequate because we do not have a public or immediate plan to have children. And do you want to know why - neither of us feel ready!

No amount of societal expectations or pressure from well-meaning family (read: one person) can provide those feelings for me or him. A very dear friend of mine of the same age, just announced that he and his wife are pregnant. After my initial feelings of joy and delight for them, my next thought was I wonder if they can explain, "how did they know they were ready" so that I can learn something. Are you ever really ready - me: the planner, Type A personality, may have to accept that I may never feel fully prepared for such a life-altering event.

Here's the other part of expectations that I have given a lot of thought to this year - they can provide a constant battle field. I am realizing that Danny and I have spent a good chunk of our nearly two year marriage (and nearly five years of being a couple) battling each other's expectations for the other person. Each of us was modeled a marriage of longevity (my grandparents, 64+ years; my parents, 40 years; his parents, 39 years). Yet, what has worked for a couple is always going to be unique to the two people in the relationship. I have come to accept and try to understand that I have expectations for what a good, healthy marriage should look like, whereas Danny has his own (different) expectations. SPECTACULAR! Still, he and I are working on it each and every day - some times with more success than others; but the most important thing, I hope, is that we are trying.

For now, please know that Danny and I are scared to death about the thought of having non-fur child(ren). Asking when  it will happen, or reminding me that I am not getting any younger, or asking me if I think I will be a good parent, are not particularly helpful. Rather, I would appreciate a reinforcement of the sentiment that I received from a dear friend: this is not something that is necessarily in our hands - I cannot plan everything (dammit! they may not stop me from trying). Or for all the parents out there perhaps you have some insights on - how you decided you were ready (or, again, as ready as you were going to get?)

Until then, I am going to enjoy my time with my husband, work on my MBA, and do my best to spread the feelings of happiness that I receive from so many people.

You are Loved and Missed Grandpop.

Thanksgiving 2012 

Two weeks ago today, our beloved Grandpop passed away. My sisters and I spoke on behalf of our family at the service. I was proud of what we wrote together as it was truly a group effort to do our best to convey just how much he is loved and missed. The love, prayers, and outpouring of support (and sweets!) have certainly be felt and appreciated by our whole family. He will be forever in our hearts, and I trust we will all be together again. 

Intro (Denise):

We want to thank everyone for being here today – it is clear to see how much our grandfather was loved. Since he epitomized living life to the fullest, we wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate him by sharing some of our family’s memories and collective life lessons.

Sweets (Steph):

One of the important life lessons Grandpop taught everyone was how to access that extra compartment in your stomach meant especially for sweets.  When you thought you were too full from a great steak dinner, one always had room for dessert.  From the dixie cups full of M&Ms, the handfuls of Werthers in the Buick, to the ice cream Sundaes, and Mondays, and Tuesdays... We are sorry to say that the rummage sale will be less one pile of shirts because of the inevitable spill of Hershey's syrup down the front.  In his words, "How'd that get there?"

One of our favorite family memories is the elaborate gingerbread houses that Grandmom and Grandpop made each holiday season.  They were filled with MnMs and decorated to the brim with candy.  To this day, each Thanksgiving visit has no less than 100 gingerbread men decorated and ready to be eaten.  Thanksgiving dinner in our family is an event to envy, from the amazing stuffing to the perfectly carved turkey, Grandmom and Grandpop know how to do it right.  If you stopped and looked in their freezer right now, there's enough meat to last a lifetime.  Being a butcher from an early age, Grandpop was incapable of passing up a good looking piece of meat while completing one his favorite pastimes, a trip to the grocery store.  I think we can all recall an endless conversation with him about a favorite recipe or local restaurant.

He Knew How to Live Life to the Fullest (Laurie):

Our Grandpop retired at 55 and has encouraged us all to do the same. Since most of us will not be lucky enough to follow that lead, the life lesson regardless is that he knew how to live life to the fullest.

Grandmom and Grandpop introduced us to musical theater by taking us to see shows at the Music Box Playhouse, starting with Children's Theater (to this day though, Stephanie is afraid of Rumpelstiltskin and was not willing to take a picture with him) and later dinner shows such as Meet Me in St. Louis, A Christmas Carol, and Grandpop's favorite, ShowBoat. In fact, we were even known to arrive an hour before the theater staff - just to be sure we were not late.

In addition to being timely, we were all taught the rules and etiquette of bowling and miniature golf. I can hit the proper arrow on a bowling lane, but after that, the ball still does its own thing. We also know how to address the golf ball, and to not stand behind the person swinging the club. In spite of years of trying, none of the grandchildren ever did beat Grandpop.

In this spirit, Grandpop taught us all that it's not about the winning, it's the fun had while doing it. Grandpop loved to "deal" a winning hand to the youngest at the table just to see the pure joy on their faces when they realized they had an instant corner in Pit or the elusive and lucrative 8-9-10 of the same suit in Michigan Rummy. The looks on our faces in those moments were still recounted years later many times over.

There is no way to count the number of days we have all spent at Knobels Amusement Park over the years. When we first started going Grandmom would ride the little roller coaster, laughing that infectious laugh and Grandpop would join us for the teacups - helping us to spin our cup as hard as possible. Then they would both join us on the bumper cars - making sure we all got to bump each other as went around the track. Grandpop would usually let out a whoa or gotcha! As the years went by they were both content to follow us around the park, glad to see the grandchildren enjoying themselves even if they were no longer able to participate. Don't worry, we all enjoyed a funnel cake (or two) together. It always seemed that whenever Grandmom and Grandpop were walking or sitting on a bench together that they were holding hands...

Intangibles (Denise):

Our Grandpop had a great number of “intangibles” that modeled to his children and grandchildren how to have a good laugh, to be virtuous, moral, thoughtful and kind-hearted. As he used to say, “Grandpop knows everything.”

He was a devoted husband, father, uncle, and grandfather. His love for his family was transparent, especially for Grandmom throughout their 64 years of marriage. Our Aunt Alice recalls a time when she was walking the dogs with Laurie and it began to rain; Grandpop got right in his car and drove around the neighborhood until he found them.

While that day may have been about the rain, he never needed an excuse to go out for a drive. Perhaps it was his uncanny ability to find the best parking spots everywhere we went, always telling us that they knew he was coming or that they have saved the best for us. He also had a special attachment to his 1993 Buick with an ultimate goal of 200,000 miles. The car now sits at 185,000, and we are trying to figure out how to drive “that boat” the remaining distance. The Buick also had a remote control that was a rare commodity at the time, and to the grandchildren, the car had a magical trunk that would open upon Grandpop’s command or with a wave of his hand.

Grandmom and Grandpop also made a special effort to be with us whenever possible, whether it was on our college campuses, at Grandparent’s Day, or the Ferry Stop on Cape May as a surprise for Scott and Kurt, they always went the extra mile (as there were many miles between us) to spend time with their family.  

Conclusion:

For these and so many other life lessons and memories, we want to say “thank you,” in which our Grandpop would not have said “You’re Welcome” but instead responded with “You’re Velcome.”

As a tribute to our wonderful Grandfather, we ask that you all go home and make yourself a nice, big ice cream “Tuesday.”

Okay God, Olly Olly Oxen Free!

Lately I have found myself thinking a lot about the game hide and go seek. I still remember a few really good hiding places that my family would use, and there is one particular game that has been sticking out in my mind. I was "it," I had found my sisters, and then the three of us starting looking for our Mom. At the time it felt like a really long time, and so finally we gave up. It must have been a respectable amount of time because she did come out after a few pleas. When she came to us we asked her where she had been hiding, but she would not tell. It was clearly a really good spot, and she wanted to be able to use it again. You know to this day, I still have no idea where she was hiding. Our house was not huge, and when there were three teenage girls living in the house it felt REALLY small! So where in the world could she have been?

I don't know that in our games we ever called, "olly olly oxen free;" but lately I have been trying to use that concept with God as I am having trouble seeing his/her plan in all that is swirling around me. I have too much faith to think that I have been forsaken, I just think s/he is doing a really good job of hiding right now. Just like I knew my Mom had not really vanished, I know God is still there somewhere. Sometimes I find myself wondering why things cannot be a little more clear, just a little bit easier.

I cannot provide specifics, but let's just say that things around me are feeling like that notion that at times the "truth is stranger than fiction." In my nearly (two days shy) 32 years on this earth, God has always led me to the place where I was supposed to be and helped through me some pretty ridiculous stuff. So I do trust that everything will work out in God's time, not mine. 

So until it becomes more clear, I am going to keep playing the game knowing that one day God will appear as my Mom did during that rather intense game of hide and go seek. 

Until then, if you hear me saying "olly, olly oxen free," please know I am just trying to understand what the greater plan is for my current craziness. 

I Had a Fever, Just Never Broncos Fever

For much of the month of January I was down for the count with a flu/sinus infection. My fever went as high as 101.1 - which considering I usually hover around 97.1 that was kind of a big deal. If I had paid anything for my flu shot, I would have asked for a refund. Stupid sickness, ain't nobody got time for that!

While I did not choose to be physically sick, I could have chosen to catch "Broncos Fever." 

I am still trying to figure out Denver as a "Sports Town." Granted, I spent much of my life to date in two of the toughest sports towns in the country; so my outlook is a bit skewed. First, there was Philadelphia, hello they booed Santa Claus, and next came Chicago. While my "sports" heart still remains in the Windy City; even I can say, damn! The fans and media have high expectations for our teams, and heaven help those players and coaches if those expectations are not met. The irony there on the baseball front is one would think years of losing baseball on the North-side would have prepared people, but still they have this unfounded hope that the Cubs will have a consistent ability to win. 

In spite of all the years I lived in Chicago or Philadelphia, I was never actually technically living there to experience the thrill and excitement around a team making a run for the Championship. While I celebrated from a distance the White Sox and Phillies winning the World Series, and the Bears going to the Super Bowl; it was just not the same.

So from that standpoint, I enjoyed the emotional high that Denver was riding with the Broncos, to a point. I will admit that I tired of hearing analysts make the same point, even if perhaps they used different words every now and again. With a two week hiatus between the Conference championships and the Super Bowl there was not an aspect of the game that was dissected ad nauseam (except perhaps the actual outcome - which I assure you no one actually foresaw). While I understand this fact is not unique to this Super Bowl, it was further exacerbated by the additional coverage on the local Denver stations.

I have a friend who graduated from the University of Tennessee, and so he had a connection to Peyton when he became a Bronco. So Brian started rooting for the Broncos in addition to the Buffalo Bills - honestly, he is the only Bills fan I have ever met in my life. He also roots for the Phillies and the Washington Capitals in hockey. He trumps me in terms of suspect allegiances. So what is my point? I asked him a few weeks ago whether he will continue to root for the Broncos once Peyton retires? His answer, yes; as he now feels as though he has expended enough emotional energy that he plans continue to root for the Broncos. Finally! Someone understands my feeling of emotional energy and the toll it can take on a sports addict.

Thus far 2014 has not been my best year, and I have been feeling down in the dumps quite a bit. I found myself wondering, aside from Brian's affirmation, whether there really was any credence to my theory of emotional sports energy. And if there is, did I lose it somewhere along the way? Well, last Sunday morning I watched the second half (and subsequent overtime) of the Duke-Syracuse game. I knew the outcome because I had forgotten that I had set the recording earlier in the week. I KNEW THE OUTCOME is the key to that statement, not my forgetfulness. In spite of this fact, I still found myself energized by Duke's play against the second ranked team in the country. This iteration of the Duke basketball team has been hard to watch at times, although Jabari Parker sure is fun while he stays, but man did the Blue Devils ever come to play that night in the Carrier Dome, no less! This is Syracuse's first year as part of the ACC, and I trust that this rivalry is going to be fun to watch for years to come. 

So fear not my faithful readers and fellow sports addicts. I still "got the passion" - it just went into hibernation along with my energy level. Stupid flu. I honestly think that the disappointing end to the Bears season, combined with my frustration at the ridiculous contract that Jay Cutler was given really took the football life out of me. Then I took on two "bandwagon playoff teams" (Carolina Panthers and Indianapolis Colts), and when they each lost there went this season of football for me.

In an effort not to get kicked out of the City of Denver, as I do love living here, I want to be clear that I was rooting for the Broncos. I truly wanted them to win. I just could not yell and scream at the TV with legitimacy. I assure you though, Danny took care of that for the both of us. Poor Spike was terrified for much of that evening. I even tried to comfort Danny in his time of sorrow, until the jerk reminded me that the Manning-led Colts beat my Bears for the Super Bowl. No more sympathy after that seeing as how my Bears' players were minding their own business from the comfort of their own homes.

So on the Monday following the unexpected outcome of the Super Bowl, I got to witness the Mile High City grieve. This is perhaps best captured by my dear friend who works for the History Colorado Museum...

Fear not, Denver, pitchers and catchers reported today for the start of Spring Training. Perhaps the Rockies will surprise us all!

The Spike Series: Oops! The Man (Almost) Did it Again!

Hi, people, Spike here. So, I almost did not get to communicate with you all today. You see, I don't like the cold probably even more than I dislike the white stuff. I absolutely refused to go outside this morning - no, really, Laurie could not even bribe me with a treat. Then when she got home, I took 20 minutes (she checked) to finally do my business. She told me if I did not do my thing, then I could not tell my story. 

So I went, and here I am! Not to talk about the cold, especially since it is not nearly as cold here as it is in other parts of the country, nor do I want to sing Britney Spears' songs. Instead, I want to talk about how the Man almost sabotaged his Colts over the weekend Ala the  Broncos - Patriots game disaster of Thanksgiving.  

Do you see the picture? Aside from the fact that I look extra cute, I am wearing the wrong team's hat! Don't let the Man tell you he was trying to protect me from the cold as Laurie has one just like it with the proper team on it. You see, Laurie slept through much of the Colts - Chiefs game on Saturday afternoon. She was pretty tired, and I was super sad because my grandparents (Laurie's parents) had left the day before. So as a punishment for her nap, the Man tried to switch my allegiances AGAIN - this time to the little horse team (the Colts vs. the big horse team, the Broncos). 

When Laurie awoke sometime during the third quarter the Colts were down, 38-10 to which she asked the Man, "what's up with your team?" His response, "the Colts only seem to have bad 'Luck' on their side." Shortly thereafter, however, the Colts went on a crazy run overcoming one o f the largest deficits in playoff history to win 45-44. Here is a picture from the Kansas City Star newspaper:

What does this all this have to do with the Man and my unfortunate quoting of the Britney Spears song? Well, when Laurie suggested to the Man that my adorable picture should be his Facebook profile picture, the truth came out that the Colts went on their unfortunate downward slide shortly after the Man put the hat on my head! It was after he took it off, that the Colts turned things around! 

While Laurie had high hopes that after the outcome of the Broncos game that the Man would learn not to mess with my sports allegiances! Even though the Bears blew their playoff chances, I will remain a fan of the Bears for as long as Laurie does, which should be forever. Although, truth be told, she is still contemplating which team will be her, "the Bears did not make the playoffs, so she needs a bandwagon team for the duration." It may be the Colts, as that Andrew Luck kid sure is fun to watch... 

Still, don't mess with me, Man! I have powers beyond your understanding! Until next time, stay warm, everybody!