Thoughts on STUFF OR Going from a 'Forest'er to a Leaf

This post is quite overdue as Danny and I purchased the Leaf back at the end of March, but we were just reunited with it last week after about six weeks (I was rear-ended) - so I am using that as my catalyst to write down my thoughts on the subject of "stuff" in general and perhaps our cars in particular.

In my 32 years plus, I have come to understand that I have a weird relationship with things in general, but that eccentricity particularly manifests itself when it comes to clothing, cars, and watch out if I have deemed something to be at all sentimental. 

I had a short-lived fascination with the show, Tiny House Nation, which is capitalizing on the small house movement that appears to be sweeping across the country. I say short-lived because the show quickly began to feel redundant in that there are not very many different ways to show a family moving from a large house to a tiny house (typically under 400 square feet), and the inevitable purging of stuff that is required to make such a lifestyle shift. Plus, I found that I was beating up on myself because I do not think I could ever do it, and quite frankly I do not need a television show to be the reason I feel down on myself. I can do that all on my own, thank you; plus it goes against my pursuit for 100 Days of Happiness. 

If you know me at all, or have read my blog, I think you know that once my brain starts down a path, God only knows where this thought process would land - as Danny has said, my mind is like a wide receiver running a route: zig zag, crossing pattern, over the middle, etc. So once I started thinking about moving in to a tiny house, and what all that would entail, I started to think about my feelings toward things overall. First this led me to my wardrobe - I have a fear of clothing. There I said it. Or perhaps it is that I have a fear of shopping for clothing. On more than one occasion I have come close to hyperventilating when I walk in to a mall or any store that sells clothing. I see all these fun pieces, but have no idea how in the world to make an ensemble. Then if I get something put together, I have trouble paying for it. Not that I don't make money, but rather I severely struggle with spending the money for this purpose. I do not know what an appropriate budget is for clothing in relation to my household income level. And then if I do pull the trigger, I invariably end up with buyer's remorse feeling as though I was consumptive, spending too much on myself, etc. Plus I just want to look cute and put together - because I figure that perhaps it will help me fake it until I can find the requirements make it. *Big Sigh*

Now, imagine what it is like to go car shopping with me! Let me repeat: I have a weird relationship with cars. Perhaps it is because I have had a string of strange things happen to my cars. Stick with me here: My first car (Chevy S-10 Pick-up Truck) was totaled while parked in front of my parents' house (as I slept through the whole thing). Its replacement was a Saturn S2 that had a tree fall on it, also while it was parked in front of my parents' house; somehow the car was fine. Shortly thereafter, however, the air conditioning compressor went out as I was driving to Michigan, which stranded me in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I paid to fix it only to drive it into a decorative rock (in Michigan, because apparently their rocks are pretty heavy), which did many dollars worth of damage. About a year after I got the car back I traded it in for my beloved Scion XA because I never did feel safe in the Saturn after getting stranded because of the air conditioning compressor. I provide this caveat because I understand that the rock incident was totally my fault, the car did nothing wrong. Anyway, after five years with my Scion, the car that brought me to Colorado, and one year before it was paid off, it drowned. No really, the car was flooded in front of my office. The fact that I was particularly traumatized after the flooding, combined with the fact that I wanted to feel safer driving in Colorado winters led me to purchase my first ever SUV and first brand new car - a Subaru Forester. I really liked the Forester, but I always seemed to suffer from buyer's remorse especially since the whole process of purchasing the car was particularly disastrous. Has anyone ever had a really good experience buying a car?

Are you still with me? If so, thank you. Last year we also had to replace Danny's car at which time we purchased a Toyota Prius. Besides the fact I called my Dad on the verge of a meltdown at the mere thought of buying  a house AND a car in the same month, I have done just fine with that purchase. In fact, I have developed an attachment to the Prius akin to my Scion. Anyway, from time to time I would ask Danny whether we should consider trading in the Forester as it never felt like the right car for us, except on really crummy driving days, in which case I loved that thing! So I contacted a friend to get an appraisal on the value of the Forester. Based on the estimated value, it was finally the time to consider something else. About three days later, Danny and I end up at the Nissan dealership near our house as I come from a family of Sentra owners. So I wanted to consider a Sentra. Danny wanted to test drive the fully electric Nissan Leaf. Both of us loved it, much to our surprise. When the numbers came out to be pretty much equal, it felt like a real opportunity to utilize electric technology. Not to mention I thought it was funny to go from a 'Forest'er to a Leaf - get it? Yes, I am a dork. 

I think you can officially call us 21st Century hippies - with an electric car and a hybrid. Just don't laugh too hard until you see our monthly gas bills...

So what in the world am I talking about? I think at times I feel pressure to have less things, to live a more simplified life. While this is a good goal, and one I am certainly trying to embrace: it needs to be done in a more personal way. There are just some things that I am not ready to get rid of or purchase right now. Still, I don't think that means I will not feel differently later. Just like many other things,  this is an ongoing process. I am absolutely embracing the idea of spending money on experiences rather than things, especially when I travel. Yet, sometimes I like to have a memento to invoke the memories from that experience. They way I see it, this has to be all about a balance, and perhaps that is why I really resonated with an article from Real Simple, "What I Learned from Purging Most of my Stuff (and Why I Wish I Hadn't)." Sometimes, things do matter. 

Now if someone can just teach me how to build a wardrobe, I would be eternally grateful.

Why I DO Support the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Post by Suzanne Killmer.

I am pretty sure that this morning I literally woke up standing on a soap box. While I have heard that sleep is supposed to be a restorative time for rest and rejuvenation, my brain does not always seem to get that memo. Further proof that being married to me can be an exhausting task, just ask Righteous Flower (Danny's Mayan Name) who was bombarded by a sampling of my frustration around critics of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge right before he walked out the door for work around 6:45 a.m. A friend recently shared that he would not be participating in nor supporting the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge even though he had been challenged by numerous people. Of course this is his prerogative, but then the debate went further with this article entitled,"This is Why Critics are Slamming the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge" from E! - you know the Network that can bring the Kardashians in to your living room, which is a whole other phenomenon that I still do not understand. I digress. Of course the source notwithstanding, I would like to share my own perspective on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

I always strive to be honest, and in that spirit I will make it clear that I have not dumped ice cold water on my head. Rather, I made a donation to the ALS Association, Rocky Mountain Chapter in my Mom's honor since she helped care for a woman with ALS; so she knows first hand what an awful disease this is, and why a cure is so desperately needed. I would like to say that water conservation was at the heart of my decision, as eluded to in the critical article, but to be honest I felt as though my money was more valuable than any video I could create as I am not overly animated or particularly dynamic (unless I am yelling at the TV, apparently).

Now to the crux of the argument that I found myself making this morning before I was even fully awake. The outspoken critics of the challenge appear to be of the opinion that it is not raising awareness of what ALS actually is or how it impacts people. I would vehemently, yet respectfully disagree, as raising funds is a form of awareness. To put it in perspective, "in the last 22 days the National Chapter of the ALS Association has raised 22.9 million. Last year for the ENTIRE YEAR they raised 23.5 million." That statistic came out three days ago, at that rate the number could be over 25 million dollars. I struggle to comprehend how money of this staggering amount could be raised if people did not have at least a vague understanding of what their money was going to do. People do not give their money to just anything - and I say that with YEARS of nonprofit fundraising under my belt.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, combined with other marketing campaigns such as the video released by Major League Baseball on the 75th Anniversary of Lou Gehrig's "Luckiest Man Farewell Speech", have in fact contributed to a heightened sense of awareness that this disease exists and needs to be stopped! The video from MLB featured all 30 first basemen (and a cameo by Yankee Derek Jeter) reciting the now-iconic oration. Lou Gehrig passed away before his before his 38th birthday from this awful disease that now bears his name. Please take a moment to watch the video.

As I said, I have YEARS of nonprofit fundraising in my experience, both in professional and volunteer capacities. I currently work for a Network of Samaritan Centers that on average have to raise 30% of their operating budget every single year. For many this is a matter of keeping the doors open! This money is required to treat people with or without the ability to pay, meaning they also have to subsidize those people with insurance along with self-pay clients. Do you think that any non-profit leader would appreciate criticism around a campaign that is raising millions of dollars with out any overhead (staff time, operating costs, etc.)?! I have spoken to numerous nonprofit professionals who are at their wits end trying to think of new/different/fun ways to raise money in an effort to continue to provide much needed, quality services to people in need of care. Can you imagine carrying that burden on a daily basis? I can because I have experienced it. Do you think the critics of this campaign have?

Perhaps before you criticize efforts to bring about awareness and raise funds to combat or support something, anything; please think about the people involved in the process. Each day on my Facebook news-feed and other media outlets, amidst videos of people dumping ice water on their head, I see people talking about and donating to help end the suffering related to ALS! I also see people sharing that they have been diagnosed with this terrible disease. This is also a form of awareness because once you know someone who has been impacted, this abstract becomes very personal and very real! I only wish we could figure out a way to draw this much attention (both awareness and money) to other awful plights in this world: hunger/poverty, lack of access to clean drinking water, mental health, MS, diabetes, cancer. Whatever your cause is - please do your part to help support it, but also be careful about criticizing others efforts. Negativity does not help further any cause.

*Steps Down from Soap Box*

 

Football Friday from On Her Game - Okay Jay, the Bears are YOURS

https://flic.kr/p/dVfJcB

This post for Football Friday for On Her Game is my first of this new season. I watched the first quarter of the first pre-season game. The Bears had flashes of excitement while I am fairly certain that the Eagles received a stern talking to from their coach given all their penalties. Here's hoping the Bears can bring some excitement to the upcoming season, and that I can draft a decent fantasy team!

While my Bears fandom has not wavered since my family arrived in the Chicago-land area in the early 90s, despite the agony that was Super Bowl XLI, along with the fact that I am an official Colorado Transplant with a Denver phone number and a mortgage. Yet, my feelings toward Jay Cutler have not been necessarily favorable as documented in former writings (here, here, here, etc.). What I might have omitted is the excitement I felt when Cutler was first traded to the Bears as it felt like the possibility that the quarterback ridiculousness that had plagued the Bears over many seasons was finally coming to an end. I may have also failed to mention that perhaps I wandered around my house (with that pesky mortgage) for many days muttering, $126.7 million with $54 million in virtual guarantees, which was the agreement as reported by ESPN.

In spite of my often contentious, albeit one-sided, relationship; since I am rationale enough to understand that Cutler does not know who I am, the Bears leadership has decided that Jay is their quarterback of the future. A decision that I can only hope proves to be a good one, not just the realization of, “who else was it going to be?” A number of quarterback contracts have been called in to question lately as the league appears to be coming to the conclusion that sometimes teams have to pay up big money to quarterbacks who are perhaps ‘good enough,’ and that the notion that there are more than 32 athletes who could be deemed ‘exceptional’ is impractical. This may explain why guys like Matthew Stafford, Tony Romo, Joe Flacco, and Andy Dalton are able to take what could be considered borderline mediocrity to the bank. Although I must say that Matthew Stafford served my fantasy team of 2012 well enough, for whatever that is worth.

Anyway, back to Jay. While one can question some of his personal attributes – his apparent, sometimes reckless, arrogance or his smug facial expressions; one cannot question the toughness that has been required to handle the turmoil he has had to endure in Chicago, nor his arm strength. At times the risk is not necessarily worth the reward, but there are enough of those other times when he lofts a ball up there for one of his “Towers of Offense” to go up and get; and when they come down with the ball, this Bears fan erupts like no other. No really, my dog gives me funny looks and my husband threatens to put me on YouTube.

Still, Cutler has been playing with a target on his back since he came to the Windy City. I love Chicago, I miss it terribly, but it is not the easiest sports town in the world. I would be considered one of the milder critics… The expectations that were placed on him, especially given the lack of weapons or protection that was provided for him, combined with the fact that he was brought in by an organization that had long valued the defensive side of the ball amounted to sheer lunacy. Plus Cutler appears to be one of the only people in the world who does not care what people think of him. I have heard those people exist, but have rarely seen it demonstrated so vehemently; and to be honest, on some level I wish I knew how to do that at times.

Much of these challenges have changed however, the Bears sent four offensive representatives to the Pro Bowl including an offensive lineman, have hired an offensive minded coach, and given Cutler one of the most formidable receiving corps in the league. AND HE GOT PAID! So, now Jay, I am going to try to lead a positive charge, from my little corner of the internet, toward giving you some much needed support and good press. This is your team with the ultimate goal, hopefully sooner rather than later, for you to lead toward winning a Super Bowl. While participating is exciting, I am not sure my marriage may not be able to withstand another loss at the hands of a Manning-led team.

The Spike Series: The Man Got Me a Grill!

Hi, people, Spike here. I have not been able to communicate with you all in a while, and I want to make it clear that it was not my fault! See Laurie has been feeling very overwhelmed over the last number of months; and when she gets that way, one of the first things to go is blogging. 

To put things in perspective, the pictures on this post were taken the night that Laurie started her 100 Days of Happiness project (#100happydays), and well today is Day #62. That first post included the grill and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bubbles...

Back to me because seriously folks, I did not care about the bubbles! Nope, not even a little bit. You see, all I could focus on was the grill (and the food it makes). The Man brought home this beautiful black charcoal contraption earlier in the summer. I did not really understand it at first, but I could tell it may be worth investigating based on how happy he was about the purchase. The Man put it together right away, but waited until Laurie was out of the house to really use it for the first time. What I mean by really is that The Man made something that Laurie would not necessarily approve of my eating - you guessed it, he made STEAK! Really good steak, and he let me eat off the bone! Then when my Laurie came home, he downplayed how much was left... Ssh - don't tell her, but I ate enough to know that only good things come of that black grill thing. I also know that when Laurie is out, the boys at home will play!

I let my people think that the grill is for them, and I do understand that on occasion things are made on it that I do not get to taste - such as those brats in the picture, or my people's new favorite hot dogs (Parks Finest by Ball Park). Still, I have enjoyed enough steak and ribs (yep, sometimes I get a piece of the Man's "special ribs" - again, don't tell Laurie) to declare that the Man brought the grill in to our lives in an effort to solidify our relationship. 

My great-grandmother, Laurie's Grandmom, really loves to hear my adventures. So it won't be too long before I am back to talk about the road trip I went on back in July. I went to eight states, in addition to Eastern Colorado, including four new places. I even enjoyed most of it! Please come back and hear about that - I like the lovin' and attention!

That's the Thing about Expectations...

...They may just be pressure in disguise.

I have found myself watching a lot of Sex and the City recently, to the point that my brain is starting to chronicle things "Carrie Bradshaw" style - hence the title of this post. If you have never seen the show, Carrie writes a weekly column along that were later published as books, but the columns usually follow the episode marked by a thought-provoking statement or question. 

This year has been an emotional one (both positive and negative), but also one that I can only hope will mark a time of growth in my journey. Thus far this year has tested my faith, my inner and outer strength, and my ability to observe happiness (both in myself and others). Yet, it has also been defined by trying to understand expectations - again my own but also others. 

This past weekend was the Samaritan Institute's Annual Conference, which is a large gathering of Samaritan personnel (read: mostly clinicians). While it is a tremendous amount of pressure for a perfectionist such as myself, it is also a wonderful time to gather with people I have worked with, largely at a distance, over a number of years. My time with the Institute has been marked by transition, both personal and professional, and all of these changes have brought about the underlying theme of expectations. On the personal front: when are you going to get married? (Done). Now it's when are you going to have a baby? (I have NO BLOODY IDEA). On the professional front: what will happen once you receive your MBA? (I have two classes done out of 12 total, give me a moment to figure it out). While I know there is a caring foundation for each of these questions, it feels as though there are societal and "Samaritan" expectations mixed in. Both areas being tough to navigate.

Setting aside the professional side of things, let me tell you how much fun it is to be a 32 year old, married woman living a 1,000 miles away from her family without a clear answer to the "children question." The first time I met my now father-in-law, he asked me when I was going to give him more grandchildren (he already has one). FIRST TIME. The funny thing is at the time, my thought was something along the lines of, "oh that's nice, he likes me enough to want me to stick around." Yet, nearly three years later, the question, which he has not asked again, is not funny or at all helpful. Rather, it feels as though Danny and I are somehow inadequate because we do not have a public or immediate plan to have children. And do you want to know why - neither of us feel ready!

No amount of societal expectations or pressure from well-meaning family (read: one person) can provide those feelings for me or him. A very dear friend of mine of the same age, just announced that he and his wife are pregnant. After my initial feelings of joy and delight for them, my next thought was I wonder if they can explain, "how did they know they were ready" so that I can learn something. Are you ever really ready - me: the planner, Type A personality, may have to accept that I may never feel fully prepared for such a life-altering event.

Here's the other part of expectations that I have given a lot of thought to this year - they can provide a constant battle field. I am realizing that Danny and I have spent a good chunk of our nearly two year marriage (and nearly five years of being a couple) battling each other's expectations for the other person. Each of us was modeled a marriage of longevity (my grandparents, 64+ years; my parents, 40 years; his parents, 39 years). Yet, what has worked for a couple is always going to be unique to the two people in the relationship. I have come to accept and try to understand that I have expectations for what a good, healthy marriage should look like, whereas Danny has his own (different) expectations. SPECTACULAR! Still, he and I are working on it each and every day - some times with more success than others; but the most important thing, I hope, is that we are trying.

For now, please know that Danny and I are scared to death about the thought of having non-fur child(ren). Asking when  it will happen, or reminding me that I am not getting any younger, or asking me if I think I will be a good parent, are not particularly helpful. Rather, I would appreciate a reinforcement of the sentiment that I received from a dear friend: this is not something that is necessarily in our hands - I cannot plan everything (dammit! they may not stop me from trying). Or for all the parents out there perhaps you have some insights on - how you decided you were ready (or, again, as ready as you were going to get?)

Until then, I am going to enjoy my time with my husband, work on my MBA, and do my best to spread the feelings of happiness that I receive from so many people.