Searching for my Blogging Voice

I know the feeling, Kermit!

While I was never really a fan of the Muppets (I preferred Disney characters), I have found myself thinking a lot about Kermit 's signature saying, "it's not easy being green." Only in my case the phrase becomes, "it's not easy being sensitive." Another way to say this, I kind of feel as though I lost my "blogging voice." Or one could say, how many quotes can I fit in such a short paragraph...

This blog started back in January, 2012 primarily as a New Year's Resolution; as it was something that I had thought about for a long time, and the rationale of a wedding planning coping mechanism was just the push I probably needed. Well 18 or so months later I find myself at something of a crossroads. I have resigned myself to the fact that I doubt it is never going to be a daily endeavor, and I think that's okay although that seems to be how blogs really grow their audiences. Yet, I do not have that much to say,  nor is the life Danny, Spike, and I lead that interesting. 

Also in the spirit of true honesty, I had my confidence sails ripped down by some not nice men that I do not know, nor will I ever meet, who totally slammed me and my thoughts. In an effort to grow my audience, I shared my post that detailed my experience with the Seattle Mariners ticket office  with a group of baseball stadium aficionados. To be honest, enough time has passed that I think the whole thing is kind of funny. While I had one ally, I truly felt as though I had my lunch money stolen on the playground by a bunch of bullies. I mean it they ripped me apart. So I did the only thing I could - removed my post, and left the group - or to continue the childish behavior metaphor, took my marbles and went home.

What is not so easy is regaining the confidence to put myself out there on this forum. Although on Sunday, politics may have been the push I needed to find something that could resemble courage as I found myself thinking about a remark from Khaled Hosseni (author of The Kite Runner, A Thousand Splendid Suns, and And the Mountains Echoed), "if a writer has something to say, they just HAVE to write it down." Denise and I heard him speak on a very warm evening in Boulder - in a church with no air conditioning. His books are phenomenal though, and he was fun to hear speak. I digress.

I think I was putting too much pressure on myself, by losing sight of what this blog is for - me and my ridiculous mind (hence the title, Sheer Ridiculousness). This is the closest thing I have ever had to a journal, and also one of the only New Year's Resolution that has ever amounted to much of anything.  

I have never been the person who has a million friends, nor do I enjoy being the center of attention, and even more-so Killmers tend to stink at self-promotion. So I was probably off in thinking this could become something more than what it is, and that needs to be okay. I am flattered when "real live" people tell me they enjoyed something, and I am always grateful when my family responds with kind words. The greatest compliment may be my grandparents telling me that they enjoy reading my "blob."  

The written word in general is a funny medium, if you think about it. The writer puts something out there for varying number of people to read/judge/speculate on often without any kind of a response making it back to the author. I realized that I am just as guilty as anyone else. I read my magazines, blogs, newspaper, etc. thinking a myriad of thoughts that the author will never know for better or worse.

So what is my point? I need to stop letting those "meanie-poopy head" boys from the Baseball Chasers group who appeared to have no idea what to do with a woman who knows baseball stop getting me down. I will continue to share my ridiculousness with the world as needed, or if only for the sake of needing to get it out of my brain. For as a former colleague liked to say, there is only so much space up there, and I don't always have room for that sh*t.

(Political) Apathy vs. Self-Preservation

Sometime after the bombing at the Boston Marathon my Mom emailed my sisters and me to ask for our perspective on the event. Denise sent back a thoughtful response that helped me articulate my thoughts in that she included a note to the effect that for some, out of a sense of self-preservation cannot watch the news. Well many months later, I am finally ready to provide, a now public, response that accepts/admits that I am a person who must shield myself from inundation in the news of the day. Yet I fear that self-preservation is construed or perceived as apathy. Am I apathetic? Absolutely Not. Am I pissed off at the political landscape in this country? Absolutely!

Let's start with the events in Boston. I work for the national office of the Samaritan Ministry. We are comprised of 78 incorporated Centers in 28 States and Tokyo, Japan. More often than not when there is a disaster or event in one of these places, our people are either directly affected or providing help to those who were, e.g. the tsunami in Japan and the bombings in Boston. In fact we have two Centers in Boston, one of which was in direct proximity to the bomb site, and the other one had employees who were participating in the Marathon. So more often than not my first thought/prayers go to those people that I know. Then they go to the people who were involved that I will never know or meet. I am sickened by the tactics of the bombers. I cannot fathom the level of hatred required to carry out such an action against people they have never met, and thus could not have done anything directly to them. Of course hatred is not an emotion I was encouraged to feel - I will always remember my Grandmom telling me that I could not possibly "hate" anyone. 

What I do understand, however, is my own personal growing frustration toward the current political landscape in this country. We currently live in incredibly polarizing times, and I worry how the United States cannot sustain itself in any healthy form if we continue this way. I am not a combative, confrontational person by nature, and so it is difficult for me to express my political beliefs especially when any opinion seems to be taken to the nth degree, especially if it is opposition to the listener's personal beliefs. Although I have been known to make an exception, such as my pride in being part of the 58% of Americans who believe that same sex couples should have the right to marry. I firmly believe that same-sex marriage is my generation's civil rights movement. It still horrifies me to think that in 2013 there is still discrimination in any form in a country that prides itself on diversity and equal rights for all. 

I have been thinking a lot about politics lately. It may have something to do with the fact that the bill to lower student loan interest rates did not even make it out of the Senate after it was struck down by Republican opposition. I am sorry gentlemen, but you are not helping your cause/reputation as the "old white man's party." This is a bill that directly affects me and millions of other people of my generation. I was ranting about that one for over a week - again here comes that self-preservation piece as I can raise my blood pressure all on my own, thank you. 

Perhaps it is also because the worship services of the Presbyterian Youth Triennium that I attended the week before last were underscored with personal reactions to the verdict rendered by the trial in the George Zimmerman case. While I did not personally disgaree with their stance, in my humble opinion this political undertone had no business being in this place of worship. I remain a staunch believer in the separation of church and state, which I assure you does go beyond my love of James Madison. I have been trying to pinpoint when/why politics became polarizing in a way that must be remnant of other times in American History, the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, Isolationist beliefs preceding World War II, Civil Rights/Segregation, etc. Perhaps I am naive, but the first election I really recall being aware of was late in elementary school with George H.W. Bush running against Bill Clinton. I have a vivid memory of Ross Perot running as a third candidate before dropping out then re-entering the race. I highly doubt that if Facebook existed at that time there would be as much political fodder filling people's news-feeds as they do now. For instance, I recently found a Facebook group called, "We Survived Bush, You will survive Obama." Since when did Presidential terms became a matter of survival? 

I often wonder if the Election of 2000 had turned off differently, if the terms "hanging chad" were not permanently embedded in political terminology what would our country look like today? Please do not misunderstand me, I am not blaming everything, or even anything, on President Bush or the Republican Party; I just see that election as a real turning point in this country's political landscape. Do the Democrats have all the answers? Of course not! Do Republicans? Nope! 

I am simply a firm believer that there needs to be a shift toward a more bi-partisan political approach for the United States to begin repairing the partisan mess that has been created and even cultivated in the last number of years. I know to some I may be seen as wild-eyed liberal, but in all honesty I consider myself to be a left-leaning moderate. I believe in moderation - find a compromise by taking a little bit from each side or as Jimmy Cliff said back in the 1960s, "Give a little, take a little."

In the meantime, I will continue to do my part as a American Citizen by voting, and speaking up as in my own way as I see fit. Not with the hope, or even intention, of swaying anyone's opinion as I think that is a big part of why we are in this pickle in the first place. I merely feel the need to remind people that self-preservation and apathy are not interchangeable or even synonymous. 

Ten on Tuesday: 10 Recent "Objects" that Make me Ridiculously Happy

In a combined effort to continue the Ten on Tuesday series, and think about my future Happiness Project, may I present 10 "Objects" that have recently made me ridiculously happy. I have put the word "object" in quotation marks because I do not consider one item on the list an object since it is a living being. Although Danny took offense to not being included. *Sigh* We shall see if he notices that he is in fact included within the narrative of the "objects" - I just do not consider him to be a thing. One would think the Pechie-literalism" would have helped me out one that one.

• Gummy Centipedes

My fear of centipedes is fairly well known, but a gummy version is something I can handle. Somehow these are not scary, perhaps because they do not have way too many legs (of course the fact that they are edible and also taste good does not hurt).

• Mike and Mike in the Morning

The irony of my love for sports radio is that I turn, with great haste, the radio station whenever DJs start talking. The important difference, most of those people are not funny, but I find Greeny and Goulic to be hysterical. I recently took the cut-out of Mike&Mike to the Rockies game as part of a Twitter #tag promotion they were running. My fear of #tags and not liking the picture stopped me from posting it to their site. I don't like pictures of myself, especially lately. Regardless, I love those guys! In fact I am currently reading Mike Greenberg's latest book, All You Could Ask For.

• Blue Soccer Ball

I would really like to write like Phil Taylor of Sports Illustrated when I grow up. Just as I read China Daily from back to front, when my new SI arrives I immediately flip to the back to see the Point After, one of my favorite features of the magazine. It is always a good, short read, but Phil Taylor's work is always extra good. In fact his piece on Brian Urlacher brought tears to my eyes. More recently was an article entitled, "The Inspiring, Tragic Journey of The Soccer Man." I had completely missed the story of Richard Swanson who was attempting to dribble a soccer ball 10,000 miles from Seattle to Rio de Janiero by June 2014 just in time for the World Cup. 

"Swanson kicked off his trip at the Space Needle on May 1 with one of One World's distinctive blue soccer balls at his feet and a pack strapped to his back... He was having the time of his life until the moment it ended. Around 10 a.m. on May 14, 250 miles into his trip, Swanson was walking along the shoulder of Highway 101 in Lincoln City (Oregon) when he was struck and killed by a truck... Somewhere in the world a child is dribbling a blue ball because of the dream Swanson followed. You get the feeling that would have been enough, at journey's end, for the Soccer Man." 

After reading the story, Danny and I donated a blue soccer ball, aka The One World Futbol – The World’s First Virtually-Indestructible Ball in the name of Breakaway Brazil, which was the Facebook page for Richard Swanson's project.  

It makes me smile to think that there is yet another child dribbling a soccer ball because of the Soccer Man, and my love of Phil Taylor and Sports Illustrated.

• Our couch

Spike had a visit from his cousin Hulk last weekend. A majority of which Hulk spent on various parts of the couch. I am pretty sure there was not a spot free from hair by the time he left. The couch is not only comfortable, but covered in microfiber material (read: easy to clean). There was a little meltdown from Spike about an hour before Hulk left, and on a rather miguided attempt to walk them both at the same time, Spike tried to trip me; otherwise it was a nice visit. Our coach is Pechie tested; Hulk and Spike approved.

• Denver in the Summer

If one ever says they are bored in Colorado they are simply trying to feel that way, especially in the summer. There is always something going on, and the lack of humidity and 300 days of sunshine makes it easy to want to be outside. The picture above was taken at the Denver Chalk Art Festival. I love to see people's talent on display!

• Tulips

As I have mentioned before, I have a sensitivity to flowers. I really do not mind too much since I tend to kill them anyway. Never intentionally, these things just happen. I have a terrible story of feeding a bouquet of flowers the package of whatever chemical helps keep them fresh during delivery thinking they were food - whoops! Anyway, there is an exception to my flower fear - tulips! I just love tulips - the color, the shape, everything. My birthday back in March was my golden birthday (turning 31 years old on March 31st), and my parents are giving me 31 flower bulbs of my choice for our new house. I am looking forward to picking out my tulip bulbs with my Mom when she is in town this week. I just hope they are even close to as beautiful as the ones pictured above that were found in Seattle. The picture does not do them justice. Throughout our visit, Jenni and I kept seeing people with these beautiful flower bouquets, which felt kind of random. Then we found the flower stands throughout the Pike Place Market. These beautiful bouquets ranged in price from $5 - 10.00! If we had known that sooner at least one bouquet would have been in our hotel room for the duration of our stay. When I take Danny back, I intend to bring a vase for this very purpose. 

• Spike

The Spike-Monster and I have been together for over four years now. While there are times where he drives me bo-nonkers (like when he tried to trip me), I love this little boy. There is not a day that he does not make me laugh. This picture was taken while I was getting ready for work - he likes to supervise the "getting ready" process. Out of a whole otherwise clean floor, he found Danny's clothes to sit on. I sent this picture to Danny in the hopes that this would provide incentive to find the clothes hamper - still to no avail...

• Yoga

I have been a yogi (a practitioner of yoga, NOT a follower of Yogi Berra) since a year after moving to Denver. I had to take a hiatus earlier this year when I was experimenting with a new work schedule. Missing yoga was part of why said schedule did not work out - I love/need my yoga practice! It is one of the few times in my life that my brain shuts off. One perk of Danny's new branch is that he has the occasional Saturday off. That particular Saturday happened to correspond with my yoga instructor's monthly Saturday offering. He and I made the early morning trek to Erie, Colorado for our first joint yoga session. It was fun to be able to share this with him since he knows how important it is to me. Apparently the other women in the class were wondering how I got him there since he was the only man. Here's my secret - I asked and he wanted to try it. Nothing groundbreaking, but something that will hopefully happen again. 

The picture above sadly was not taken in Erie, but rather Lake Tahoe last year on my first experience travelling "Salisbury Style". I took some grief for my form (my hips should be lower), but I defy anyone to try most yoga poses in truly structured pants. 

• Snow cone

After our yoga session, Danny and I headed to the Cherry Creek Farmer's Market. I love trying all the different food, which is how I originally found Waffle Brothers. Toward the end of our visit, I realized that I wanted to try a snow cone. To fully understand the magnitude of this decision, let me explain it has been over three years since I have eaten a snow cone, ice cream, Popsicles,  ice in drinks, etc.  Following my surgery for pronounced reflux in January, 2010 I was diagnosed with esophageal spasms. Unfortunately not much is known of the cause (or cure) for these spasms, but one theory is ice/cold food. Since the beginning of 2013 my condition seems to have been improving, so I have slowly been reintroducing my body to frozen items. This snow cone comprised of key lime pie, raspberry,  and real coconut shavings on top was worth the wait! Danny confirmed it was not just my reintroduction that made it taste so good; it really was that good! Even the gentleman who made it said that it was his second favorite combination (behind Strawberry and Key Lime Pie). I followed the Snow cone experience up with a Buster Bar from Dairy Queen last week - apparently I cannot be stopped!

Breakfast food is my favorite. I actually prefer to eat it for brunch or dinner because it's too heavy for early in the morning. On a trip to the farmer's market a couple years ago I had my first taste of Waffle Brothers. I have not seen them at the market since, but fortunately it is a free-standing restaurant. Typically I get the Democrat ((Whole Wheat)Waffle, marsh. cream cheese, Nutella® with strawberries), but on this last time I ventured out and tried Tropical Zall ((Whole Wheat) Waffle, marsh. cream cheese, pineapple, coconut, minus the whip cream). Yep, good choice on the deviation. Waffle Brothers is definitely the place to go on a weekday if possible, but also worth the (long) wait on a weekend. Believe me I see the irony in that I shared earlier that I am not a big fan of eating, but three of my 10 objects are food related... Just saving myself from that "Pechie-literalism" thing again.

Honorable Mention:

Bathtub Ring Holder 

Purchasing an official ring holder has been on my "to do list" for a while, and I finally found one I could not resist. Actually I was debating between the tub and an elephant whose trunk held the rings, but I chose the tub for two reasons. First, Danny preferred the tub since it would "hold the rings" as opposed to the elephant - I am not sure what he thought that was supposed to do. The real reason I went with the tub though was because it was bigger. My thumb ring (the butterfly) is rather large and would have taken up the whole trunk. Although it is worth mentioning that sadly this tub may be the only claw-foot tub that I ever own.