Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Keep Calm and Carry On OR In Which We Explore the Utterly Perplexing Art of Decluttering With Joy


I have a lot of ordained and theologically trained colleagues, which is a wonderful blessing. Our staff and board functions tend to start with a meditation/devotion/prayer, and in the "old days" when I first started I was part of a rotation, so I only had to prepare one or two per year. A combination of a smaller staff and my role as a Vice President means I can't really duck the responsibility any longer. This past weekend the staff came together, and I was asked to give one of the closing devotions. When it came time I thought my boss had forgotten, but no... So I gave the caveat that I was nervous mainly because I had combined two very separate resources into one devotion (when really I was freaked out because the people around the table are MUCH MORE qualified) to speak on such topics. Since it was well-received and because perhaps other people need help in keeping calm, I share my devotion with you:

Excerpts from Kristin van Ogtrop’s article which appears in the April 04, 2016 issue of TIME and Max Lucado, God Will Carry YouThrough

In the days leading up to the war with Germany, the British government commissioned a series of posters. The idea was to capture encouraging slogans on paper and distribute them about the country. Capital letters in a distinct typeface were used, and a simple two-color format was selected. The only graphic was the crown of King George VI.

The first poster was distributed in September of 1939:
YOUR COURAGE
YOUR CHEERFULNESS
YOUR RESOLUTION
WILL BRING US VICTORY

Soon thereafter a second poster was produced:
FREEDOM IS IN PERIL
DEFEND IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT
These two posters appeared up and down the British countryside. On railroad platforms and in pubs, stores, and restaurants. They were everywhere. A third poster was created yet never distributed. More than 2.5 million copies were printed yet never seen until sixty years later when a bookstore owner in Northeast England discovered one in a box of old books he had purchased at an auction. It read:
KEEP CALM
AND CARRY ON
The poster bore the same crown and style of the first two posters. It was never released to the public, however, but was held in reserve for an extreme crisis, such as invasion by Germany. The bookstore owner framed it and hung it on the wall.  It became so popular that the bookstore began producing identical images of the original design on coffee mugs, postcards, and posters.

[Personally I am having trouble keeping calm. I have also been trying] to understand Japanese supernova Marie Kondo, who approaches organizing as a painstaking, solemn process of finding joy in every corner of your house.

I am the editor of a magazine with organizing at its core, and I happen to know that many Americans, in fact many of you reading this column, are complete slobs. The best part of it is that you don’t really care that much; your slobby nature bothers you the way your hair bothers you. As in: Eh, that’s just the way it is. And this is fantastic, because it means you have a sense of humor.
You know that mess is just mess, not a metaphor for the lack of control you have over your mental health, intelligence level or chances of getting into heaven.

Kondo recently published a new book, her second, called Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class on the Art of Organizing and Tidying Up. Even though the book has charming little illustrations, this is a very serious volume for very serious people who don’t think it’s weird to throw out a screwdriver because it doesn’t spark joy and then try to use a ruler to tighten a screw instead. That’s what Marie Kondo did, and the ruler broke. And then Kondo was really sad, not because she recognized the stupidity of trying to tighten a screw with a ruler, but because the ruler had sparked joy.

Does anyone besides me think this is completely bananas?

Trying to follow Kondo’s advice is like, oh, I don’t know, listening to dolphins communicate or watching Star Wars in Farsi. I know something extremely important is happening, and I can almost understand it. But just almost. And it makes me wonder: Are all the people buying her best-selling books doing it … ironically? It reminds me of watching the March presidential debate when Donald Trump crowed about his manhood. I kept waiting to hear a voice say, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday night!”

I’ve been to Japan only once, and one of my favorite things about the trip was going into a store to buy a little inexpensive something and watching the clerk take 15 minutes to wrap it, like it cost $3,000. It was amazing, magical, perfect. I mean, I don’t take that kind of care in wrapping Christmas presents, even the expensive ones. So maybe the difference between me and Kondo is the difference between a slobby American with mediocre gift presentation and an elegant Japanese shopkeeper who will wrap any item carefully, even if it’s worth only $7.50.

Although I do spend much of my work life thinking about organizing, I am never ever everevereverever going to fold my underwear like origami, as Kondo instructs. I am also not going through my house (don’t even get me started on the garage) to hold each object firmly in both hands and wait to see if it sparks joy. Needless to say, Kondo did that, and now she uses a skillet to pound in nails (picture it, people) because she threw out her un-joyful hammer.

However, Kondo has given me an idea. Any organizing expert–including Kondo–knows the goal is not managing physical stuff but managing the stuff swirling around inside your head.

And so I’ve decided to eliminate a few things from my head that don’t spark joy.

[Or perhaps you can appreciate] the reminder from another generation to keep calm and carry on. You can do the same. You can’t control the weather. You aren’t in charge of the economy [or the upcoming Presidential election, which] I have started to think is just one long Kabuki performance, and I can no longer muster any joy. You can’t undo the tsunami [or the inexplicable bombings in Brussels or Pakistan] or un-wreck the car, but you can map out a strategy.

Remember, God is in this crisis [and the clutter]. Ask Him to give you an index card-sized plan, two or three steps you can take today.
PRAY TO GOD

AND CARRY ON

Thursday, March 10, 2016

My Letter to the Orioles


Yesterday on Facebook, I put Joyce of the Baltimore Orioles ticket office on notice that if she is that unhappy with her job that I would be glad to take over. Well today, I wrote my first ever complaint letter. I really wish I had followed up with the Mariners after my experience that I entitled, "Fear the Beard" aka The Seattle Mariners Ticket Office. Still, this exchange with the Orioles stung even more because of my life-long history with the team. 

I am working on a list of "Thing I Think, I Think" about baseball in general - so more to come. In the meantime, here's my best attempt at an effective letter...

March 10, 2016

Scott Rosier
Manager, Season Plan Sales
Baltimore Orioles
Oriole Park at Camden Yards
333 West Camden Street
Baltimore, MD 21201

Dear Mr. Rosier:

I am writing this letter to you in response to a most unpleasant exchange that I had with Season Plan Sales Representative, Joyce Noto on March 9, 2016. The reason for my call was to purchase tickets for an upcoming Orioles Game.

As a life-long baseball fan, with many fond memories of the Orioles this interaction was especially disappointing to me. Even though I was raised in Philadelphia, Chicago, and now live in Denver, my family roots are in Baltimore; so I have always kept a close eye on the Orioles. Like so many children of the 1980s, I grew up admiring Cal Ripken, Jr. I had a crush on Brady Anderson in my teen years, I was angered by the fan interference play of the 1996 ALCS, and I will never forget watching, on TV, the numbers on the warehouse change to 2,131 when Ripken broke Lou Gehrig’s record. The Orioles ascent from the lower ranks of the ardent AL East to be more competitive gives me hopes for both the White Sox and the Rockies to figure things out one day.

As an adult I have become a ballpark chaser. To date, I have been to 18 stadiums, and my upcoming road trip of five stadiums in nine days will get me closer to completing the goal. Camden Yards may not have been my first baseball experience (Veterans Stadium), but it is the ballpark that made the biggest impact. Each stadium I go to is compared to Camden Yards. I have seen delightful parallels in use at Comerica Park and Coors Field, which is also where I was married; but they’re not quite the same.
  
While I am a Millennial, I am rather “old-school” in that part of the ballpark chasing experience is talking with locals in the ticket office. The enthusiasm and pride that many of the ticket agents display for their home ballparks is contagious. Plus I get the inside track on the best place to catch a game. I recognize that there is a mixture across Major League Baseball as to whether teams sell lower quantities of tickets for individual games. In an effort to be prepared, I made an inquiry back in February to find out the stance of the Orioles. I spoke to a very pleasant man who said that the ticket office would be glad to assist me once the tickets went on sale.

Based on this information, I trust you can understand why I was shocked to have been immediately transferred to Tickets.com. So I called back, and had my regrettable exchange with Ms. Noto. She did not understand why I would want to speak to someone in the ticket office who, in her words “could see the green grasses of Camden Yards, rather than ‘Hazel’ at Tickets.com.” After I explained my reasoning a second time, she tersely stated that this has been the practice of the Orioles for 27 years. She went on to say that unless I wanted to be a season-ticket holder there was nothing she could do for me. Even though there are teams that will not sell individual game tickets, this is the first time I did not even have the opportunity to converse with an agent about the nuances of a ballpark.

I proceeded to purchase my six tickets for a game in May through Tickets.com. Please understand that I refuse to let this impact my experience at Camden Yards, especially since this will be my husband’s first trip, but the whole incident left a bad taste in my mouth.

For those of us on the outside the opportunity to go to the ballpark every day for one’s job feels like a privilege that should be treated with respect. I trust that this is not the way that the Orioles do business; so I wanted to make you aware of your employee’s actions.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. Go Orioles!



Wednesday, January 27, 2016

You can have Roots AND Wings


In May I will have lived in Denver for nine years. Not too bad for an accidental transplant who as a child had trouble with a week long sleep away camp. Still I often wonder, is Denver home? The answer is yes and no for as the picture says, I will never be completely home again. Rather, I have embraced the idea that I can have "roots and wings."

Last year I flew back to Indiana for a dear friend's milestone birthday party. I did what many of us who have spread our wings have done, I way overpaid for the ticket. I went back and forth about whether I could spend the money, and by the time I came to the glaringly obvious conclusion of, I want to be there - the flight prices had gone up. Still when the birthday girl hugged me, and her daughter (also my best friend) hugged me, and my parents came with me to the party, I knew I had made the right decision; the cost was the furthest thing from my mind. My Dad remarked that I seemed to know everyone at the party, and when I realized that I did it further reminded me that along the way I had become a part of their family as well as my own. There may be no greater feeling than to feel wanted and as though you belong.

It was at this party that my Dad also asked me a question that has been bouncing around in my head for quite a while now, "where do I call home?" I realized that some of it may be contextual as I say I am going home when I head toward Indiana and Denver, but I also realized that I will never again only have one home. This is also why the song, "Roots and Wings" from one of my favorite television shows, Nashville, really resonated with me.

So many places, I wanna go
So many people I wanna know
I wanna stay
I wanna leave
I want it all
I've got to believe

You can have roots and wings
You can have everything
You can know where you're from
And still wanna fly

Having roots and wings was "normal" in my family. This really started with my paternal grandparents as they were the first to move away for either side of the family. They moved a three hour car ride away, which as my Grandmom reminded me is a big help as sometimes our wings take us further away. When my parents were married, they also moved away from their parents - Durham, Nashville, Philadelphia, and now Highland, Indiana. The closest I ever lived to my grandparents was two hours, which grew to 10-12 hours when we moved to Indiana. So I thought this is what "everyone did." I ass-umed that everyone understood the fear, trepidation, and excitement that comes from spreading your wings. I also thought that others would know just how much support is required to put roots down somewhere else. When you move away from your current life, you are trying to start a brand new one some place else. It's a scary proposition.

So many choices I've gotta make
So many voices I'm trying to shake
They think they know
What's best for me
But I want it all
I've gotta believe 

You can have roots and wings
You can have everything
You can know where you're from
And still wanna fly

This assumption bubble of mine was burst when Danny asked me how far I thought the average person lives from their Mom. I said 50, well as it turns out, it's only 18 miles. Well crud. Danny, my family, and I are not as "normal" as I thought. Suddenly I understood why at times I am fighting the spoken/unspoken mindset of, "well you chose to move away, so you should be coming back to visit." I didn't even realize that this mindset existed until my Mom explained that she had to fight it with her father. I don't think as children we fully understand what our parents have gone through until we experience it ourselves. 

It is well known that I did not make the move to Indiana on my parents any easier, and it was not until I went away to college, which was really the first time I had left home that I think I began to understand how scary that move must have been for them. Still when I went to Indiana University I was only three hours away. My Mom came down to take care of me when I had pneumonia. My parents brought me home to deal with my wisdom teeth extraction, and later on my turbinate reduction (nasal) surgery. My parents helped me move everywhere, they even moved me to Denver. This is especially impressive considering they had just moved my sister out there earlier that same year.

I don't think I truly felt on my own until I moved to Denver. I even had to move myself, but I discovered the beauty of paying for movers (also worth every penny). I was now a plane ride or a really long, boring drive away from my parents and sisters (fortunately Denise and John came back to the mountains). Yet, people make that boring drive or take a plane ride to come see us with regularity. My Mom made that trip when I had a fundoplication (surgery for pronounced reflux), both my parents came to help me pick out a wedding dress, my family will be with me when I graduate in April, my grandparents got on a plane for the first time in over 20 years to come see what Colorado has to offer. My Dad attends my work place's educational offerings. Danny's parents have made the awful drive, but his Mom wised up and opted for a plane this past summer. The list goes on and on (and on). Danny and I had more than half of our wedding guests travel from all over the country to be with us. Do you think I could have lived in Denver for nine years and Danny for five without that

The other reason we have built a wonderful life here is because we have set roots of our own down here. We have been blessed through the development of a community. My fantastic sister and brother-in-law are also here, which helps tremendously because sometimes you just need your family. But you also build a family - those people who will drop what they're doing to help you. Those people who will see your hidden "bat-signal" that says, hey I just came back to town after visiting "home" and I need to know that I am loved here too. So they take you to lunch or ask you out on a girls' date. They are the people who invite you into their homes for the holidays so that you know you're not ever alone.

Nevertheless, things are not always rosy when you let your wings take you away. You miss things. A couple Christmases ago there was a scary family medical situation that I was working with my sister on via text. Danny had to stop me from driving east in the snow and hoping for the best. Or when Danny's parents have major medical surgery, and you can't be there to care for them the way you wish. Sometimes you also have to fight the attitude of "if you lived closer we would do more for you," which really just feels like "I don't support your decision to live away from here/us." There are also times where people tell you that they don't have the money to visit you, but in the same breath tell you about the 72" television that now hangs on their living room wall. It really sucks to not feel like a priority. It is also hard to know you have "x" amount of vacation time, and a finite amount of income. All this requires a balancing act of all the places you want to go with the strong desire to be with the people you love and miss terribly. Thus, you do the best you can, and prioritize those who make you a priority. You also give special kudos to people who say things like, "you're really brave" or "I am proud of you as building a life somewhere is not easy."

I think that is the biggest lesson I have learned in the last (almost) nine years: being an adult is about determining priorities. The older I get (crap, how did 34 get here so quickly) the more I have come to reciprocate prioritization. When I first started making trips "home" I tried to see everyone, do everything I wanted, and eat everything that I can't get in Denver (hello lemon rice soup and a solid gyro). Then I realized well darn, I can't do it all. I will never make it to all the places I want to go, nor will I ever be able to make everyone happy. It's just not possible. 

Shortly after my grandfather passed away my grieving process took me down the path of discernment regarding our living situation. Danny and I are a package deal now, so I don't get to make that decision alone anymore. Then I realized that even if we moved back to Indiana that I would never have everyone around me. I would miss my sister and brother-in-law in Denver, as well as our many friends, and my grandmother would always be in Pennsylvania, and aunts/uncles/cousins in Baltimore, Dallas, Phoenix, Bogota, etc. It is also complicated by the fact that Danny's family lives in a different part of Indiana as well as Ohio. There will never be just "one place" that will make me or "us" as a married couple

Home is where the heart is
And that will never change.

So months later, I am ready to say my home is Colorado, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Ohio, Hawaii, Texas, Arizona, and all the places where so many people who have made an impact on my life currently reside. I now believe that if you choose to let yourself acknowledge it, you can in fact have everything, most especially "roots and wings."
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