"Fear the Beard" aka The Seattle Mariners Ticket Office

Cross another baseball stadium off the list - Safeco Field in Seattle, home of the Mariners. A rather dismal team with even worse ticket office procedures. Here is my story.

 

Whenever I am planning to visit a new place during baseball season, I always check to see if the home team will be in town. I will go so far as to say that this fact has played a part in planning when possible. Case in point, Danny and I adding a spontaneous trip, by my standards, across the state of Florida to see the Tampa Bay Rays on our honeymoon. I still contend that he knew exactly what he was getting when he married me. I digress. 

 

I lucked out with the Mariners as my friend's and my schedule did not have much leeway. I saw that the Mariners would be in town playing the Angels so I asked Jenni if she would be up for a game. She graciously agreed stating that while she does not particularly care about the game on the field, she does like the side entertainment, particularly the Jumbotron.

 

As I do with any new stadium, I called the Mariners ticket office directly so that a real live person could help me. I was looking for two tickets that would offer a good view of the Jumbotron. This was truly a first for me, normally with a new stadium I just pick two decent, albeit cheap seats, simply to be in the stadium. When I finally spoke to a real person, I was met with an interesting response. They only help people who are ordering at least eight tickets. In other words, my order was not worth their "customer service" time, even though I could have bought the tickets in the time this conversation took. My only option was to order directly from Ticketmaster. Another reason I like to speak to a real person and then pick up my tickets at Will call is that you are ensured the team logo on the ticket, rather than the generic Ticketmaster printing. Sure enough once I ordered my overly-priced tickets, with a direct view of the Jumbotron, because the Mariners do not offer any reasonably priced tickets in my humble opinion, I received in the mail two generic Ticketmaster tickets!

 

Not being one to let these things go, I decide to try the Mariners "chat" option. I typed out my situation to which I was told that I should have called the Mariners customer service... I typed with unnecessary strength, which would be comparable to seething on a telephone, that I had tried to do that, I was in "luck," I could go to the Will Call at the stadium and have the ticket reprinted. Okay, that doesn't sound so bad. Then he types the kicker, for an ADDITIONAL $3.00 FEE. So now on top of the two tickets and the ridiculous Ticketmaster service fee, I have to pay $3.00 more for a ticket with the Mariners logo on it. I told him this did not make me ever want to come back to his stadium, but he didn't care.

 

So on the night of the game, Jenni went in to secure at least one beard hat, which was the give-away for that night (rocked in the picture above), and I stood in a very long customer service line. After about 20 minutes, a gentleman approaches me and said he does not think it is possible for that to be done. Fortunately, the woman at the window took my $3.00 and reprinted my ticket after some cajoling. Was the ticket worth it? Probably not, but I have a stub from all the other stadiums. Plus I meant it when I said, I would probably not be back.

 

The stadium does have a retractable roof, which is kind of interesting, and the graphics on the Jumbotron were fun, but the stadium lacked any real character or pizazz, and the team on the field seriously lacks offensive productivity. The Mariners lost 6-3, although they had their opportunities with more than one inning with the bases loaded. Their opponent for the evening is an interesting story as well. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim spent a ridiculous (read: RIDICULOUS) amount of money in the past couple seasons on players such as Josh Hamilton and Albert Pujols. Pujols theoretically plays first base and swings a mean bat, but he is currently suffering from plantar fasciitis. He looked awful - 0/4 and hobbled along trying to do his obligatory run to first base. I had heard about his ailment heading into the game, and so I thought to myself that he could be the DH (designated hitter) now that he is in the American League after coming over from the St. Louis Cardinals who are in the National League (no DH). I had forgotten they signed Hamilton to be their DH, and since they don't really need him in the outfield where else are they going to put him? What on paper should be the best three-four punch in baseball looks old and tired (and overpaid)! Even so, the Angels' stadium was rated the best in the country by Sports Illustrated, which I look forward to seeing one of these days.

 

Here is the moral of the story - the Mariners are not a good enough team nor is the stadium really all that special -  thus the Mariners ticket office should be careful about how much they are willing to push the average fan with their ridiculous procedures. I have never experienced anything like it. Nor do I think I will again.

 

Clearly they are not talking about going to a Mariners Game

 

 

Will I go back to Seattle? Absolutely!

Will I go back to Safeco Field? Probably not.

 

 

Go Off the Path OR Why I Read, "tricycle | The Buddist Review"

This is the fourth week in my "Going off the Path: Magazine Series" as inspired by The Happiness Project.  In a previous post, I mentioned this magazine was chosen at the suggestion of a friend (and fellow blogger, Traveler for Good) who had seen it at Whole Foods, and thought it would fit my quest.

Even before I started reading the contents, I found myself wondering why the magazine is called, tricycle. I figured it had to have something to do with the number three and a tricycle having three wheels, but after that I was stumped. Sadly, I could not find the answer in the magazine or on the publication's website. My Dad also tried to figure it out one night when I was on the phone with him; even though he could not, I was really excited to hear that he liked this magazine project so much that he is considering trying it himself this summer. We will have to compare strategies. Anyway, back to the search for the meaning of tricycle. Last night, I finally thought in a Google search kind of way - unfortunately as I type I cannot remember what words I used - still I have the answer: tricycle, the magazine is published by The Tricycle Foundation. On their website (but why it is not on the publication site is beyond me) is the straightforward sort of answer I was seeking:

Why "Tricycle?"

A three-wheeled vehicle aptly evokes the fundamental components of Buddhist philosophy. Buddhism itself is often referred to as the “vehicle to enlightenment,” and the tricycle’s three wheels allude to the three treasures: The Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, or the enlightened teacher, the teachings, and the community. The wheels also relate to the turning of the wheel of dharma, or skillfully using the teachings of the Buddha to face the challenges that the circle of life presents.

Back to tricycle the magazine, which is a quarterly publication that I found quite interesting. One thing that I have discovered in reading these various publications is that each magazine editor handles advertisements differently. For instance, with some magazines it is a zillion full page ads before one even gets to the Table of Contents, while others sprinkle there ads throughout, but for tricycle a majority of the content articles were supplemented (disrupted) by some sort of ad. These ads were everything from e-retreats, to books, to Samadhi Cushions where one is encouraged to find you seat (meditation cushions, benches, incense, gongs, etc.). Perhaps if I had the right meditation seat, my brain would stop racing. As silly as this probably sounds, just in case the last statement was not ridiculous enough for you, the layout gave me a feeling of over-stimulation (Ala ESPN.com). I was already trying to read material that was new to me in a lot of ways, and to have my attention drawn elsewhere was problematic. I rationalized that this is probably how they afford to offer the magazine, but still the approach was a turn-off to me. Apparently a byproduct of this project is that I have become hyper-critical of magazine layouts, which is unfortunate.

Again, back to the content of tricycle. There were more than a couple concepts/processes that my over-anxious personality found difficult to wrap my brain around, but I still found a lot of new information.

Here's what I learned:

• ABACUS, a financial planning firm, has opened an office in New York City. Their financial advice is based on Nobel-prize winning research and the Buddhist practices of awareness, simplicity, equanimity, and non-harming. The headline for the ad: How Would Buddha Occupy Wall Street.

• Two new expressions: is-ness and was-ness. Here is how it can be used in context: The only place where there is something, is-ness is only now. How could there be anything else? Anything else is was-ness or will-be. Is-ness is only now. And you, therefore, can only be now. And you, therefore, can only be now. You cannot be in the past. That's dead. You cannot be in the future. It hasn't come. You can only be now.

• By never having had Ghee, clarified butter, I am missing out on the essence of the sun. If I find it, I need to be aware of hydrogenated vegetable fat labeled as ghee, which has infiltrated the Indian market with its artery hardening transfats. Yummy!
  
  
• I had to skip the article entitled, "Vegetable Nirvana." I blame a childhood game of categories on a road trip with my parents in which my parents went back and forth for at least 30 minutes naming (making up) every type of bean in existence.
  
• The Internet has changed the world. Now let it change your practice. Attend an E-Retreat.
  
• Mindfulness is not about hitting someone in the mouth, but rather it helps us deal with difficult emotions. It suggests the possibility of finding the gap between a trigger event and our usual conditioned response to it, and using that pause to collect ourselves and change our response. Or as a book I am reading helped me understand - I am a hailstorm and Danny is a turtle. Crap!
  
• First Beatlefest (attended back in high school), next Buddhafest? June 20-23 in Arlington, Virgina.
  
• The expression: Commit to Sit. I fear Danny is going to use this one with me.
  
• As a life-long Presbyterian, I am well versed on forgiveness; but I have never heard this explanation: "Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past." (Jack Kornfield)


• Humility is the ground zero of spirituality.
  
• Mesaynak is an ancient Buddhist city in Afghanistan that is being superficially excavated before being turned over to the Chinese for copper extraction.
  
• Virtue can be thought of as having the heart of two people. You are able to feel and give more. You have extra compassion and empathy. It also implies courage.
  
• You have time to say you don't know how. Why don't you take that time to go learn?
  
• There is a blog called, "Taste of Chicago Buddhism." The author once gave a series of lectures called, "The Major Dudes in Buddhism," inspired by the Steely Dan song, "Any Major Dude Will Tell You."
  
• When you're not connected to the clarity and kindness of presence, we're all too likely to fall into more misunderstanding, more conflict, and more distance from others and from our own heart. A tool to combat that RAIN:
• Recognize what is happening
• Allow life to be just as it is
• Investigate with kindness
• Non-identification
  
•  Compassion puts us directly in touch with the human condition. It is the difference between a faith that opens us to life and all its complexities and a faith that forces us to close down to protect what we cannot or will not question.

While the last magazine (Garden & Gun | Soul of the South) led to a new category (Things I have never seen (and will probably never see again) in a magazine) this one also lent itself to a new category:

What Resonated with Me:

• In an interview with an artist who is approaching 80, she was asked what her thoughts are on death and dying. Her response: "as for dying, what can I say, I hope that whichever way it comes, I'll be able to do it well."
  
• I especially enjoyed the article on Mindfulness. Here are a couple tidbits:
• Mindfulness practice isn't meant to eliminate thinking but aims rather to help us know what we're thinking when we're thinking it, just as we want to know what we're feeling when we're feeling it.
• It's never too late to turn on the light, or turning off an old tape doesn't depend on how long it has been running.

• The concept of having a Meditation Practice - this one particularly focused on calling up difficult emotions.
• The perception alone makes the feelings more manageable.
• If you find your+self (Spike inserted the + sign, I decided to leave it) thinking I will always feel this way, or if I were stronger/more patient/smarter/kinder I wouldn't feel this way, return to the simple truth of the moment-sitting and being aware of your breath.
  Ding, ding ding! I meditate during yoga, but I have never been able to do it otherwise. I really want to try.
  
•  Balancing Emotions, one of the "four building blocks of Buddhist training" (the other three practices are Meditation, Cultivating Compassion, and Developing Insight) is definitely something I could work on.
• A single word, or even a look, from another person can trigger a range of emotions that consume us for hours, weeks, or longer. This is especially true for someone as sensitive as me.
• When our emotional energy rises, it is difficult to dissipate it at will.
• We tend to convince ourselves that if outer circumstances were to change - things would be better. Guilty.
  
•  Forgiveness Practice
• As you're breathing feel all the barriers that you've erected and the emotions you've carried because you haven't forgiven yourself or others. Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed.
• Gently repeat to yourself, "I remember the many ways that I have been hurt, wounded or harmed. And I know that it was out of another's pain, confusion, fear, anger. I have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that I am ready, I offer you forgiveness. You who have caused me harm, I offer my heart-felt forgiveness. I forgive you." 

•  Civil Conversations Project, launched in 2011 to restore nuance and context to the most complex issues of our day, from abortion rights to same-sex marriage.
• It's more about how we can live together while we disagree about these things that are so personal.
• In fact, I worry a lot about the language of civility, because I think it sounds too nice, and I don't think this is about being nice at all. I think it's about being adventurous and taking risks. When I read this, I found myself thinking about our revolutionary, founding fathers. While their words were elegant and well-stated they were not concerned with being nice. Is it possible for lawmakers to find more of a balance between civility and honesty to get the message across?
•  Gabe Lyons, Christian Evangelical Pastor, asks why the hell are we focusing on gay marriage all the time? Why aren't we focusing on ourselves? He would rather focus on troubled marriages in his own community than whether same-sex marriages are okay.

• Life is always throwing monkey wrenches into the machinery of your calculating mind. Or as my family is always telling me, stop worrying so much.

While I started this project with the goal of four magazines in four weeks, it morphed into four magazines in five weeks. I think I may take a bit of a hiatus, but after that I will read one of Danny's Triathlete magazines cover to cover. I was recently asked, what could this magazine possibly cover for a full issue yet alone a monthly publication? I did not have a good answer, but perhaps after I read it, I will. Or as Danny said while he trains for his Ironman, if I can't beat it, join him.

Doors Open Denver (with a couple side stops)

 

 





 On Sunday, Danny and I took advantage of "Doors Open Denver," a free event that gives residents and visitors the opportunity to experience Denver’s built environment from inside many buildings that are typically not open to the public.  The theme this year was "City Beautiful Then & Now." The City Beautiful philosophy is the most dominant planning aesthetic still apparent in the Mile High City. ln fact, our Civic Center was given the highest honor a historic site can earn when Secretary of the lnterior designated it a National Historic Landmark.

 

Wikipedia states, "The City Beautiful Movement was a reform philosophy of North American architecture and urban planning that flourished during the 1890s and 1900s with the intent of introducing beautification and monumental grandeur in cities. The movement, which was originally associated mainly with Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, and Washington, D.C. promoted beauty not only for its own sake, but also to create moral and civic virtue among urban populations."

 

While there were over 80 Landmark Buildings to see, we made it to four this time around (and one place that was not on the official list). Here they are in order of our visit:

 

1. Grand Lowry Lofts: Opened for duty in 1938, the Lowry Air Corps Base played a major role in WWII. Lowry operated as a training facility, armament and officer's quarters. The most famous resident was President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
   
   -What we learned: First Lady, Mamie Eisenhower spent part of her childhood in Denver, which helps explain why they spent so much time here. The barracks were considered the safest place for the President to spend his summers. Lowry Air Force base was closed in 1994, but then became a mixed use redevelopment area. It is also the neighborhood that Danny and I have lived in for the last two years, and remains one of my favorite places in all of Denver. The officers' quarters are an example of that preservation, and Grand Lowry Lofts' spot on the National Register of Historic Places keep it rooted in history. The Grand Lowry Lofts have over 200 units with 50 different floor plans.
2. *Planned Detour from Doors Open Denver* Lunch with friends at Lowry Beer Garden
   - Good food and beer in its own park between two converted airline hangers including the Wings Over the Rockies: Air and Space Museum. Be sure to note what happens to unattended children (top left hand corner). Further proof that pretty much any activity with Danny (and me) more than likely involves a stop for beer.
3. Governor's Residence at the Boettcher Mansion
   This three-story mansion was designed by Denver business mogul Walter Cheeseman as his family's residence, completed a year after his death, then owned by the rich and benevolent Boettchers who bequeathed it to the State of Colorado in 1959 as the home of the sitting Governor.
   
   -What we learned:  Mr. Boettcher presented the deed to his wife Edna as a Valentine's Day present in 1924. Upon Mrs. Boettcher's death, after being turned down many times by the State Legislature, the house was scheduled to be torn down and the contents auctioned before Governor Stephen McNichols gratefully accepted the mansion on behalf of the state. The house is rarely open to the public, outside of special functions, except for about six weeks in the summer and then again at Christmas for the holiday decorations. Of course I will try to make it back for those as I am sure they are spectacular. We were able to see the first floor, including the grand entry hall  that includes a view as far as Pikes Peak on a clear day, and the carriage house in the back.
4. Denver Woman's Press Club / The Burr HouseBuilt as a residence and artist studio for George Elbert Burr, the DWPC purchased the building in 1924 and it has been used ever since as a meeting place for writers and other members of the media.
   
   -What we learned: This house is deceptively large on the inside, which is a common theme throughout Denver. The staircases are both quite tight, but there is a lot more space than one would think just looking at it from the outside. Today the DWPC membership includes over 200 writing professionals in various fields – it's fun to think that I could be a member one day. A girl can dream, right?
   
   I had to take a picture of their two vintage typewriters. While at the Antique and Vintage Show on Saturday, I passed up the opportunity to be a travelling typewriter. I could not justify the expense to myself mainly because I have a goal to purchase a true vintage typewriter (none of this electric, nonsense) if I ever make any money with my writing.
5. Byers-Evans House MuseumThe Byers-Evans House Museum, a Denver landmark, was built by the first publisher of the Rocky Mountain News-What we learned: The house was built for William N. Byers in 1883, but was purchased by William Evans, the oldest son of former Colorado territorial governor John Evans in 1889. William and his wife Cornelia raised four children in the house. William headed the Denver Tramway Company, which later became RTD (the current Denver public transportation company). The home has been restored to the period between 1912 and 1924 and includes many of the Evans family furnishings that came from all over the world. Danny and I were able to take an abbreviated version of the tour, which I found hard to follow at times especially since the mother-in-law and daughter had the same name. Hopefully I can do the full tour soon to keep track of who in the world did what and when. Regardless it is a beautiful home with many "modern-conveniences" for the time period. I especially liked the sign that would indicate how many pounds of ice each house wanted per day (ranging from 25 - 100).
   
   This is also where Danny purchased his miniature blue bear that he now wants to make his own version of the "Travelocity Gnome". You can see his first attempt below...

 

On the way home from the Byers-Evans House Museum, I asked to stop at Walgreens. Danny decided that the one on Colfax Avenue was as good as any. Along the way, I spotted the Oscar-Myer Wienermobile in a restaurant parking lot (ironically NOT the hot dog restaurant a couple doors down). I had heard it was in town, but the only listed places to see it were Wal Mart parking lots, which felt like too much work even for the Weinermobile.

  

 

-What we learned: One can travel around (*work*) for the Wienermobile for one year as a recent college graduate. One of these employees was an alumnus of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He gave Danny tips on places to go, post-Ironman. After stumbling through the jingle, Danny and I each have our own Weiner-whistle and an "I saw it!" sticker.

 

A very random, ridiculous, fun day in Denver. Please note the beautiful blue skies and lack of jackets because the very next day it was snowing and freezing followed by another snow storm a couple days later. Yep, it is truly Spring in Colorado. 

Where I'm From

Weekend acquisitions from the Vintage and Antique Show

Over the weekend, I attended a women's mini-retreat, "Stories We Live By" at my church. I always enjoy this type of opportunity, mainly because it helps me meet people that perhaps I would not have met otherwise. It was also a chance to connect with girlfriends for dedicated time amidst the busyness. I am grateful to so many of these ladies as they were an integral part for helping me "make it" in Denver.

I enjoyed everything we did throughout our time together, but I had a great time writing our own story/poem based on "Where I'm From" by George Ella Lyon.

After some additional work, and some slight deviations, may I present my own version:

Where I'm From

I am from Lemon Rice Soup,

from Philly soft pretzels, Tastykakes, and Peanut M&Ms

I am from the East, Midwest, and now West as in Denver, Colorado.



I am from too many baseball games to count, college basketball, and Chicago Bears football.

I'm from Bill Peet's books, the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, the Berenstein Bears,

Shirley Temple movies, and Knoebel's Amusement Park.

from the ever-involved Mark and Suzanne Killmer and two sisters, Denise and Stephanie,

I'm from the Samaritan Ministry, the Colorado Pug Rescue, and Wayne, Westminster, and Wellshire Presbyterian Churches.

from the campus of Indiana University in Bloomington, specifically a duplex on Woodlawn to home plate of Coors Field to a new duplex in Lakewood.

I'm from the boxes and boxes (and boxes) of letters in my closet that remind me how lucky I am, and how many people I have loved, and loved me in return.

I am from the places I have been, to the people I have met; and now, I am at the corner of "I am glad to be here" and "what in the world am I doing."

Go Off the Path OR Why I Read, "Garden & Gun | Soul of the South"

This is the third week in my "Going off the Path: Magazine Series" as inspired by The Happiness Project.  In the last post, I alluded to this fantastic (read: ridiculous) find, Garden and Gun | Soul of the South which was found with both of us putting our backs to the racks and walking 15 or so steps before turning around and pointing at a magazine.

 

The third thing, I noticed about Garden & Gun (after the title and price) is the quality of the paper. It is large and heavy, made of paper that is not typical for magazines; which was intriguing to me. On a side note, I almost did not get past the first advertisement, a picture of  Gisele Bündchen (fashion model and wife of Tom Brady) with a fierce look, wearing a backless shirt, oh and there is also a horse in the picture. It took me a good two minutes, at least, before I saw the horse because it is a black horse in the shadows. Sadly, I would bet my next paycheck that Danny never saw the horse... I digress. She is one of those "freakishly beautiful women" that makes me pause and doubt myself. Yet for the sake of my project I persevered. Turn the page, an ad for the "Next Generation Range Rover." Suddenly the heavy paper started to make sense. This magazine in all its 180 page glory is geared toward someone other than me both for content, but also socioeconomically. In case you doubt me, the third advertisement is for Rolex; and I have not even hit the table of contents yet!

 

Here's what I learned:

• There is a play called, Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson in which Benjamin Walker (Meryl Streep's son-in-law) portrays our 7th President as a moody, self-absorbed star clad in tight jeans. I wonder what he would do with Reagan or either Bush.
• Boykin Spaniels make excellent box turtle hunters. Apparently before a retired English teacher made this discovery researchers were having a hard time getting a read on turtle population numbers.
• I saw an advertisement with an IPhone and a picture of Asheville, North Carolina with the headline: Asheville's calling. Will you answer? I had to laugh at this because following my post on All About Beer, I was told I should take Danny to Asheville instead of Charlotte.
• I now have a recipe for a great hoecake, which apparently is much like their Northern cousin the johnnycake. For those who don't know what either is (me), they are nothing more than cornmeal, water, and usually some kind of leavening. This particular recipe is for a savory hoecake, but in my opinion if something has "cake" in the title it had better be sweet!
• I now know that there is a Missouri Taxidermy Institute, and one of its graduates (Becca Barnet, 25) makes unusual art one of which is a crow eating a piece of pie (called *wait for it* Eat Crow)!
• Libby Lane might be the only handbag designer in America who spends her free time driving cattle across the Texas plans. Might? I defy you to find another one. Her leather bags sure look nice though, and she will soon have a line of leather aprons. I honestly thought they were for cooking, yep I am not her target audience either.
• I will be investigating Bevolo, Gas & Electric Lights in New Orleans. I love the vintage look of their lanterns.
• Apparently Rooftop Gardens are all the rage among urban chefs. The Jefferson Hotel in Virginia now has bee colonies on its roof, which the chef intends to use in everything from honey butter to a honey-wheat beer made in partnership with a local brewery.
• I was quite intrigued by an interior designer who has a six-foot statue on top of his desk, presiding over the room.
• A North Carolina couple (also designers) turned an abandoned hospital into their home and studio. I especially enjoyed the tale of the attic, "We went up there with a flashlight. There were hundreds of dead pigeons. It was terrifying. Very Alfred Hitchcock." While I love Alfred Hitchcock, I am not sure I want to live any of his movies.
• There are times where words make me feel stupid. Here is a good example, I discovered that a pierogi (Polish dumpling); spelled pirogues is a small, mostly one person wooden boat that are narrow, flat-bottomed, and pointed as sharp as heron's bill on both ends.

While I sounded like a "negative-nelly" at the start of this post,  I actually enjoyed this magazine as a one-time read. Not one I will subscribe to, but if nothing else it led to the creation of a whole new category unto itself...

Things I have never seen (and will probably never see again) in a magazine:

• "Everyt'ing changes. There's no dinosaurs running around these days, you know."
• A Beretta ad for hunting with supreme confidence.
• Rugged yet Refined (referring to a lawnmower)
• There is a song titled, "Polk Salad Annie," which was part of a story about a birthday party held at the House of Blues in New Orleans for an unnamed billionaire whose guest list included Bill Gates and a performance by Joe Walsh  (of The Eagles), but no one was dancing. This writer was quite dismayed.
• Sometimes the greatest escapes are the ones closest to you - Arkansas.
  My aunt tried to get me to go to Arkansas until I told her I wanted to see the Clinton Library. She then dropped the subject.
• In May, 2013 there will be off-road and driving adventures for Land Rover owners.
• There is a Garden & Gun Club that includes everything from club shoots and fishing trips to field feasts and southern socials!
• The term, land yacht can be used to describe an Oldsmobile convertible
• "It stung as only stupid can."
• Arnold's Country Kitchen, a classic meat-and-three around the corner (in Nashville). I had to look that one up, "in the cuisine of the Southern United States, a meat and three restaurant is a restaurant in which the customer picks one meat from a daily selection of 3–6 choices and three side dishes from a list that may include up to a dozen other options." Thanks, Wikipedia.
• A can of beer can be used to measure weight. For instance, "he landed a 14 pound, 8 ounce bonefish in the Keys...just a can of beer away from the fly fishing record." So close, yet so far...
• "Man, we're going to need a horseshoe to fall out of our ass to get one today." Where has that expression been my whole life?
• Duck hunting can be elegant, at the Honey Brake Lodge. Sorry, my interest was lost when I saw the pictures of dead ducks.
• ...while two men draped in boa constrictors tout river tours and a monkey cavorts in the plaza.
• Then last, but most certainly not least...

Just because this made me laugh (hard).

Go Off the Path OR Why I Read, "Natural History: The Bonobo Connection"

Humans may not know exactly what a bonobo facial expression means,
but it would be hard not to feel a connection with this adult male.

 

This is the second week in my "Going off the Path: Magazine Series" as inspired by The Happiness Project. The last post ended by saying that Danny was going with me to The Tattered Cover, a Denver institution and an all-around fun bookstore. We went to the location on Colfax Avenue ("A Theater of Ideas") that is located in the historic Bonfils-Lowenstein Theater. I loved seeing the remnants of the theater, including some of the original red velvet seats.

 

After finding the magazine section, Danny helped me try to pick three publications in the most random ways possible. For anyone who happened to see us, we looked pretty ridiculous. The first try yielded a fantastic (read: ridiculous) find that I will highlight next week, which was found with both of  us putting our backs to the racks and walking 15 or so steps before turning around and pointing at a magazine. The next magazine I chose came at the suggestion of a friend (and fellow blogger, Traveler for Good) who thought it would fit my quest. The third one was sure hard to find. Danny and I tried all kinds of methods including, but not limited to, him spinning me around "pin the tail on the donkey style;" looking at what others were buying, which did not work as well as the first time. Our fellow shoppers were paroozing a sports magazine, which of course I wanted but admittedly would not fit the theme, and a comic book enthusiast. Amidst the search, there were a couple real bombs. Such as an academic journal that made my brain hurt just reading the cover, plus as Danny pointed out it did not have any pictures, as well as an espionage magazine that I feared would put me on some kind of government watch list.

 

I finally settled on Natural History with the theme, The Bonobo Connection.

 

Here is what I learned:

 

• Owl monkeys - one of the few monogamous pair-living mammals - have intense fights when an interlopers attempt to split up a couple.
• Eosinopteryx, a flight-less ground dweller, is the latest feathered, birdlike theropod dinosaur to emerge.
• I read more than I care to revisit on the African ball-rolling dung beetles. If you are truly interested, let me know and I will send you the page.
• Donald K. Yeomans, who manages NASA's Near-Earth Object Program, has a new book called, Near-Earth Objects, Finding Them Before They Find Us. While Danny may read that one, I believe I will skip it. I would rather hide behind the veil of ignorance on that one.

 

• A bonobo is a great ape that bears a striking resemblance to chimpanzees, but is quite different in behavior.
• Anything can be made into political fodder, including a bonobo with its strong erotic reputation seems to have made some people uncomfortable. There was even a conservative commentator (Dinesh D'Souza) that accused "liberals" of having fashioned the bonobo into their mascot, and he urged them to stick with the donkey. How did I miss this, or perhaps it is better that I did.
• Knowledge of the wild bonobos has been at a virtual standstill for over a decade due to the civil war that killed an estimated 5 million people in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC).
• I am giving serious consideration to reading, The Bonobo and the Athiest: In Search of Humanism Among the Primates by Frans De Waal.

 

• Las Vegas, one of the fastest growing places in America, depends on coal and natural gas because the city fathers did not ask for a greater allotment of resources after the Hoover Dam was built. Their allotment covers the population then, which was 6,000 people!
• The National Park Service has a Submerged Resource Center (SRC).
• This particular article was talking about a group whose project was a sunken airplane, a B-29 Superfortress from the Cold War era.
• This plane crashed (fortunately the crew survived) due to a miscalculation of depth perception because a body of water without any ripples can cause havoc for low-flying pilots.
• Their task was to continue mapping and photographing the plane to nominate it for inclusion in the National Register for Historical Places. Lake Mead National Recreation Area works with dive shops to devise guidelines for underwater visits to the plan by sport divers.
• The Hoover Dam is on the list for the Department of Homeland Security for fear of being susceptible to an act of terrorism. It was also heavily guarded during World War II. Seems obvious when one thinks about it, I had just never really thought about it.

 

• A subspecies of  gray wolf has been identified across Africa, but it was not proven until 2011.
• This is odd since there was an Egyptian Wolf God named Wepwawet who bore a striking resemblance of the jackal god Anubis (of The Mummy Trilogy fame, at least in my own mind).
• Biologists are now asking: how many golden jackals across Africa are in fact African wolves? The world may never know...
• A conservation strategy needs to be developed for the African wolf as many are mistaken for jackals, and are killed to protect livestock. Although its allusiveness may be its salvation.

 

• I struggled with the final article when it opened with the line, "One late April day when I was teaching a plant identification class for the Georgia Department of Transportation..." Nope, just could not do it. I originally blamed the dung beetle article, but actually it felt quite similar to the information on Lake Mead and the Hoover Dam, only this one is about the Okenfenokee National Wildlife Refuge. Of course I must admit that Okenfenokee sure is fun to say. My biology teacher would be disappointed, but not terribly surprised that I had my fill.

 

• I hope to make it to Alaska someday soon, and if I go I would like to try Expedition Alaska, according to this beautiful ad it is, the difference between admiring the scenery and immersing yourself in it. Yes, please!
  





I have always wanted to say the first part of this statement, I hope you will join me next week for Garden and Gun: The Soul of the South, but using the words garden and gun together is not something I ever thought I would utter. This project has sure taken me off my usual path.