Too Many Decisions

I love movies.  My taste runs the gamut, but one of my all-time favorites is You've Got Mail.  I am not great at quoting movie lines, yet there is a line from that movie that has stuck with me over the years.  Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) is corresponding with Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) over the internet in the days before dating sites were really popular.  He shares his belief on Starbucks: "the whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."

 

I am also a planner.  For better or worse, that is what I do.  Danny and I got engaged over Labor Day weekend, and he loved to tell people that I was going to have this wedding planned by Christmas.  I am embarrassed to say that he was not too far off.  For the record, I am not sure you are ever really done planning a wedding.  Rather I think you make a conscious decision to stop; or the wedding day arrives, and so you have no choice but to be done.  The hardest part of this planning process for me is all the decisions that have to be made.  Weddings seem to dictate that this day is all about the bride; it's "her" day, and so she should have everything that she wants.  While I understand the sentiment, that approach does not work for me. 

 

As a former history teacher, I have been taught that it is okay to air my grievances as needed. So here are my grievances with that approach to the planning process.  First, it is not my day; it is our day.  While it should be known that I am cautious of over-using the word "we" for fear of losing my individual identity, I don't mind saying our day.  Danny and I are both getting married, not just me.   Next, I do not have the budget nor the energy to care about every single detail of the wedding.  While I am a perfectionist, I don't want that much responsibility or control.  Plus I have a real fear of becoming a "bridezilla".  I would like our bridal party to want to be friends with me after the wedding!

 

This planning process has also brought about some interesting dreams (or nightmares).  One of which is that no one is going to show up.  I shared this with a friend last week, to which he explained that people will be coming for the venue; not me or Danny.  While he may have been joking, I was perfectly fine with the underlying sentiment.  I don't want it to be about me!  I want it to be about the union that Danny and I will be forming on that day.  I will be marrying one of the greatest people I know - how wonderful is that?  I want it to be about the family and friends who will be there to celebrate with us.   

This leads me back to my Starbucks quote.  I actually kind of freak out going into Starbucks because I don't want to have to make that many decisions in order to get a drink or a pastry.  Although I do make an exception for their cake pops - have you tried them yet?  I recommend the birthday cake or the peppermint brownie.  I digress.  I have realized that this wedding planning has given me some confidence that I can in fact make some decisions - unfortunately, it is going to cost more than $2.95.  I just hope everything comes together on that special day.  Regardless of how everything goes though, I will be happy and blessed.