 |
Really, Spike? |
It began with the baby boomer adage “never
depend on a man.”
This message resulted in a generation of
women who turned their attention away from the home and onto the workforce.
They did what their mothers told them to do: they became financially
independent so they’d never have to rely on a husband.
In time, “never depend on a man” turned into
the full-blown belief that men are superfluous. In 2010 Jennifer Aniston
claimed women needn’t “fiddle with a man” to have a child.
This may strike you as an isolated case of
stupidity, but Aniston’s willingness to put it out there speaks volumes about
modern cultural attitudes. No actress would have said such a thing in the 70s,
80s, or even early 90s.
Fortunately, most women come to the realization that they do, in
fact, need a man—at least if they want a family.
Financial independence is a great thing, but you can’t take your
paycheck to bed with you. And there’s nothing empowering about being beholden
to an employer when what you really want is to have a baby. That’s dependency
of a different sort.
Let me be clear, Suzanne Venker of FoxNews.com is entitled to her opinion, and her own expectation of what her marriage should/does look like. What I do not appreciate or agree with is the arrogance that all women, including me should/do share this belief! Why does this woman get to speak on behalf of our gender for publication on a national news forum?
Once my blood pressure came down to a normal, healthier range, I started to think about myself, my own marriage, advice I have received, thoughts I share, etc. I can only hope that when I share my random thoughts (or ridiculousness), I am clear in my desire to only speak for myself. Who am I to speak for anyone else?
As my first anniversary came and went, I had thought about writing advice I would share with other brides planning their weddings. Then I came to the conclusion that my own wedding experience could not be transferred to others, nor should it be. Each couple is entitled to have the wedding that they want, and with that will come from their own experiences. While some of my thoughts may be shared by others; for instance, the conclusion that I wish I had come to earlier, that there is more than likely never going to be that magic dress that flatters and pleases any number of women. Regardless, who am I?
My grandparents have been married for 64 years, my parents and in-laws both have marriages that are still going strong as they approach the 40 year mark. Do they have a right to give advice? Absolutely! And they all gave beautiful words of wisdom that my sisters incorporated into their toast to us - it was definitely a highlight of the reception for me. Does that mean that the marriage that Danny and I have will look exactly like any of theirs? Of course not. Do I aspire for something like what they have - a long, healthy, good life together? ABSOLUTELY!
One year into our marriage, I could not tell you what it looks like half the time. I just know that I don't "need" my husband for anything - I want Danny in my life as my partner. Back to this article that got me all riled up...
They (women)
want balance.
And there’s only one way to get it: rely on a man’s more linear career goals. Unlike women, a man’s identity is inextricably linked to his paycheck. That’s how most men feel a sense of purpose. Indeed, research shows men see it as their duty to support their families even when their wives make as much money (or more) as they do!
Do I want balance in my life? Of course, I do.
Do I think that Danny being my hunter/gatherer is the only way to get it? NO! I am going to continue to look for balance in my life as Danny and I figure out "how to do this married thing," together. If/when he and I figure it, I will not be writing an article about it saying it will work for all women and/or all men.
The beauty of our freedoms is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but the responsibility side of such a liberty is respecting someone who disagrees with you. I respect Ms. Venker's right to her own opinion, but I would appreciate if she would consult with women everywhere before publishing that tells me what I, as a woman, need.
Post a Comment